Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Three-Year-Old Girl Giving Mom the Cold Shoulder | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have two beautiful girls, ages two and three. The three-year-old is very close to me but runs hot and cold with her mother. My wife is a stay-at-home mom and is with them 24 hours a day.
She is a great mother--very caring and affectionate and a constant playmate. However, our three-year-old's behavior is making my wife very depressed. She feels that no matter what she does or how affectionate she is, my three-year-old does not love her or want to be with her.
I keep telling her this is a phase, but she thinks it's more serious than that. Can you please give us a bit of advice. Thank you.— Frustrated Dad | | | ANSWER |
June 13, 2001 | | | Dear Frustrated Dad,
Preschool-age children often develop a special attachment to the parent of the opposite sex. They can become quite possessive of this parent and negative toward their same-sex parent. In the normal course of development, children realize eventually (usually by the end of kindergarten, if not before) that their parents have a special relationship that they (the children) cannot be part of. Daughters learn to accept their role in the family and give up their fantasies of "owning" Daddy. And rather than acting cold or critical toward their mothers, they instead start trying to be like them.
In short, I think you are right: This is a phase. Your wife can remind herself that both of her daughters really love her (and you can support that), and she can insist on polite behavior from your three-year old. For more, see our program on emotions.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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