Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Three-Year-Old Runs Wild in Stores and at Parties | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
This concerns my three-year-old. He is very intelligent with good communication skills, but what surprises us is whenever we take him out to a birthday party or a visit to the mall or any convenient store, he wants to run around and touch everything.
We have tried to explain to him that he is not supposed to do that, and he understands it and even repeats it before we go, that he is going to be a good boy and he is not going to touch any thing and he is not going to run around, but the moment we arrive at a party or mall or a convenient store he doesn't seem to care anymore about all he said at home and goes about the same way, running around and touching everything. We have even told him that next time he does it we are never going to take him with us again with no result. Both my husband and me are left wondering what to do about it for when at home he is a good kid and behaves well.
— Pappi in Va Beach, Va, United States | | | ANSWER |
April 11, 2002 | | | Dear Pappi,
I'm not surprised when I hear about a three-year-old, boy or girl, who gets "hyper" or starts running around when in a new or particularly stimulating environment. To a three-year-old a well-stocked convenience store or a birthday party with treats all over the place is a terrifically exciting place! Imagine yourself in a jewelry store or an art museum with permission to take anything you wanted. You'd probably run around a bit, too!
What I find encouraging is that your son is behaved at home. This means that, over time, when the excitement of stores and parties has worn down a bit, and when your child's self-control has gotten a bit stronger, he'll be able to behave correctly in those places, as well.
For the time being, there are a few things you can do:
- By all means, continue to talk with your son ahead of time, and let him know what sort of behavior you expect. But don't be too surprised if he forgets, once he's in the overly exciting place.
- If you make empty threats such as, "I'll never take you to a birthday party again," you only end up teaching your child that you really don't mean what you say. Instead, if you think your child really won't be able to handle going to a party, simply decline the invitation to that party and wait until you think your child is ready.
- Or you can take your child to the store or party, but leave after a few minutes, or when it becomes clear that he won't be able to handle himself properly. To keep the attitude upbeat in that situation say something like, "Good try, you'll do even better next time." In other words, keep focused on the positive outcome you know will occur eventually.
There's no substitute in this situation for patience, continued positive expectations, firm but kind limits, and time for your young child to mature. Good luck!
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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