Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Supporting Siblings Who Learn Differently | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have a seven-year-old son who was recently diagnosed with a learning disorder and a four-year-old that is extremely smart. My son's disorder is only slight but I've noticed recently that my daughter is quickly catching up to him educationally and this is upsetting him. How can I encourage my daughter while still ensuring my son that there is nothing wrong with him because he learns differently? I don't want him to feel ashamed.
— Mom of Two Smart Kids | | | ANSWER |
April 11, 2002 | | | Dear Mom of Two Smart Kids,
You've really put your finger on the core issue for children with learning difficulties, which is supporting their self esteem. Having a learning problem makes life difficult, but feeling that you are "stupid" and therefore not a valuable human being, makes life completely miserable. If you, as a parent, can help your child maintain a strong self-esteem, then he will eventually be able to work through his learning problem to reach his full potential.
The key is to consider the whole range of human abilities and intelligences and place value on all of them. Take a look at the multiple intelligences section of our site. There is far more to intelligence than the "three R's!" For example, in real life an adult with great "people skills" may go farther than one with high verbal and math IQ scores, and little social ability.
Practically, this means figuring out what your son is good at--whether sports, art, music, friendship, appreciating nature, fixing things, selling things (such as lemonade), etc.--and praising and supporting him for these activities. At the same time, make sure he is getting all the academic help he needs to progress as well as possible in school. You may find some suggestions in the learning section of our site.
It is often difficult for parents to be encouraging to their different children, without fanning the flames of competition. The simple answer--which is easier said than done!-- is to make certain that your children know that they are loved for themselves, not for their talents, academic or otherwise.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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