Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Standing Up to Bullies | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My son tried to stand up to some older bullies who were harassing his friend because of his race. The bullies pushed him around and he felt like a failure. I don't want to tell him to run away from standing up for his buddy, but I don't want to tell him to fight, or get hurt. What should he have done? What can I tell him is the right thing to do if people physically threaten his friends?— Wanna-Be Bully-Buster in California | | | ANSWER |
May 23, 2001 | | | Dear Wanna-Be Bully-Buster,
Loyalty to friends is an important virtue, and your son deserves praise for bravely sticking up for his friend. Unfortunately, loyalty to friends also draws many children and teenagers into a spiral of violence and retaliation for violence. What starts out as friends sticking up for each other quickly becomes gang warfare. With the weapons that are now available to children, the result is too often tragic.
Your son and his friend need very much to find other ways to settle conflicts without resorting to violence. Communities have been able to institute very effective violence prevention programs that teach children non-violent conflict-resolution skills. To find out if your community has such a program, check with the police and with local churches. If not, you could be the spark that gets the program going.
Although it may seem difficult, think about talking with the parents of the older boys, not to blame them or make them "control" their children (which, as you know, is much easier said than done!) but to work together to foster understanding and harmony. What would the older boys do if you and their parents were to become friends?
To learn more, see Raising Non-Violent Children, and another parent's question about handling bullies.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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