Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
|
|
 Ask Dr. Needlman
An Immature Three-Year-Old | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My son just turned three years old. He just started school this September, and we have an eight-month-old baby. In school and at home our son is very happy and also a bit hyper and silly. He doesn't follow directions very well, he doesn't respond to discipline well (joking mostly) by the teacher or the parents unless threatened with losing a privilege. His teacher says he's easily distracted when around a group of children. He also appears immature compared with his peers in the way he communicates his thoughts, yet he's very smart in terms of knowledge absorption for his age. He does better on a one-on-one basis and loves to learn and play and can do so very intensely for good amounts of time if it's what HE'S interested in. Is there something wrong and what could it be?— Lori in Westchester, NY | | | ANSWER |
April 6, 2001 | | | Dear Lori,
What you are describing is a child who has a mixture of temperamental and behavioral traits. On the one hand, he is bright and loves to learn, and he's usually happy. On the other hand, he often acts silly, distractible, and perhaps a bit defiant (laughing off requests). Lots and lots of three-year-old boys fit this description, which overall might be called "immature."
Calling a child "immature" suggests that with time, patience, and consistent upbringing, he will change in the desired direction. Most of the time this is exactly what happens. The child is able to use his strengths (intelligence, good nature, emotional security) to bring the not-so-strong aspects of his behavior (controlling himself in a group, for example) into line. This happy change takes place gradually over the next two or three years. By age five, most children who were immature are doing much better (although some of the more difficult aspects of their temperaments may still be noticeable: children tend to mature, they don't change into completely different people.)
As a parent, the main thing you need to decide is whether or not your son is moving in the right direction, behaviorally. Any progress counts, no matter how slow. When you notice progress, let your son know that you noticed. Talk with him about the specific changes you'd like to see. For example, you might say "I want you to be able to listen to me without my having to threaten you." Do this in a kind way. Assume that he is working hard to grow up, just as you are working hard to help him.
If a time comes when there is no progress, or the immature behaviors are becoming more troublesome, not less, you will want to get help. Help might come from a wise teacher or friend, your child's doctor, or a child behavior specialist. You can also look in the Discipline: Specific Techniques section of our site for more information on ways to help handle children with challenging behaviors. — by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
|
