Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Four-Year-Old Refusing to Sleep Alone in His Room | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My four-year-old is terrified of sleeping in his room alone. The only way he will do so is if his dad or I will stay in there with him. Even night-lights or music don't help. He has been sleeping on the couch now for a year. He continually wakes up at night crying for no reason except to get one of us to come and soothe him. We want to have him start sleeping in his own room without being afraid. If we put him in there and let him cry he wakes up our two-year-old in the room next to his. His father is getting very frustrated which causes us to argue about it. How can I successfully have him start sleeping in his room without him crying because he's scared?— Mandn in WA | | | ANSWER |
November 13, 2001 | | | Dear Mandn,
I think you are describing two problems that are related to each other: (1) your son wakes frequently during the night and needs one of you to settling him down, and (2) he is afraid to go to sleep in his own room, and therefore has been sleeping on the couch for the last year. These problems have been going on for a long time now, so I am not at all surprised that you feel frustrated, and perhaps a bit worried as well.
One way parents can help a child who is fearful of his room is to stay in the room while the child falls asleep and to then come back into the room as needed throughout the night. At first, you might have to sit right next to your child's bed. Over time you gradually move physically further and further away as the child becomes more and more comfortable falling to sleep alone. Positive sleep rituals including familiar, comforting stories or poems also can help. Our section on sleep has details for these approaches and many other suggestions for helping children sleep through the night.
If none of these general approaches help consider consulting with a pediatric psychologist, behavioral pediatrician, sleep specialist, or family therapist (interestingly, family therapy is often quite helpful with longstanding sleep problems). Sleep problems can be difficult to solve, and there is no reason for you to feel that you have to solve it alone!— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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