Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Toddler Wakes Up Crying Every Night | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My 14-month-old daughter wakes up almost every night and screams. Sometimes she can go on for an hour. Do you have any suggestions? Her mother and I do not live together. Consequently, some nights my daughter is with her mother and on other nights she is with me (usually four nights with me, three nights a week with her mother). Could this arrangement be affecting her sleeping pattern? Thanks for your attention to this question.— "Frustrated Dad" in California | | | ANSWER |
July 23, 2001 | | | Dear Frustrated Dad,
Infants and toddlers normally wake up several times during the night. Usually they move around a bit, perhaps look about drowsily, and then fall back asleep. If for some reason they have difficulty falling back to sleep, they may play by themselves, or they may become upset and cry.
Difficulty falling back to sleep can have several causes. Children learn to associate a certain sequence of events with falling asleep, for example being rocked and given a pacifier. They can't fall asleep until they experience the accustomed sequence. Part of their so-called "sleep onset association" might be being in a certain place. For example, some children fall asleep in the living room with the TV going and then can't fall back asleep in their cribs in the middle of the night.
For a toddler who splits her time between two homes, it might be more difficult to establish a restful sleep pattern, because as soon as she gets used to doing things one way, her whole situation changes.
Although changing location may be contributing to your daughter's sleep problem, the answer is not necessarily to change the custody arrangement. However, you may want to think about how you can create as much regularity and predictability around bedtimes as you can. Establish a routine that you do the same every night. For example: bath, pajamas, story, same song, same blanket, tucked into bed at the same time, and saying the same words before the goodnight kiss. To the extent possible, work it out with your child's mother for her to follow the same routine. Make sure that the favorite blanket or stuffed animal goes with your daughter from house to house. Try to recreate the routine if she wakes in the middle of the night.
You may find some other helpful ideas in the Sleep Problems section of our site, particularly articles on waking in the night.
Divorce and separation are stressful for parents and children alike. Sleep disturbances are one way that toddlers often respond to stress. By working together with her mother to create predictable, comforting routines, you may help your daughter feel more secure and handle the changes in her life more smoothly.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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