 | Your message might have been long, but I'm afraid mine might be even longer.
My sister is in a similar situation but her daughter's "DNA contributor" (biological father) has never been in the picture. (We also live in Illinois, by the way.)
My sister got pregnant by this man and he immediately dropped her (she soon found out that he had gotten another woman pregnant at the same time). She then met her now husband and they have been together since she was a couple of months pregnant with my niece. My niece has my sister's maiden name and my sister has told her that she was pregnant by another man when she met her "daddy". Fortunately, I guess, my niece has never had any contact with her "DNA contributor". To be perfectly honest, I wish my sister had never told my niece about the other man. He was basically a one night stand that I don't feel deserves the honor of being acknowledged as this little girl's dad. But that was her decision to make.
As far as your situation goes, since your daughter knows her dad, I think that whatever contact he makes with her is going to have to suffice. I don't think it will help her for you to "fill in the blanks" for him. If she want's to know where her dad is, tell her exactly where he is. If she wants to know why he doesn't call her or see her, I think I would say "well, let's just ask him" and have her call him. I don't think it's necessary to tell her anything about how her dad feels about her because actions speak louder than words and she's just going to be confused if you tell her one thing and he acts another way. But, I am not a child psychologist and I may be totally wrong. I'm just telling you what my gut tells me as a mother.
I'ld also like to add that you must be a very special woman to have found such a special man who can love another man's child as his own. Good luck and best wishes to you and your family. |
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