 | I've been noticing a pattern both at these boards and out in life. Adults seem commited to spanking and other forms of negative attention for their kids, even whining that they can no longer hit, spank, slap, etc., them! And kids seem willing, even eager to take the blame and recieve negative attention such as cold indifference, angry beatings, planned spankings (pants up or down!) including whatever their caregiver wishes to give them in the place of what they really want.....LOVE. So, for some wounded and inadequate adults, Love equals negative attention since they are incapable of or unwilling to give positive attention: affection, caring, acceptance, honesty, approval, fun, hurmor, grace, support, loyalty, etc. These adults idea of "love" is simply variations of Negative attention with perhaps some small crumbs of positive attention thrown in and so to tell such and adult to STOP HITTING YOUR KIDS is equal to telling them to STOP LOVING YOUR KIDS since loving them is the adults ignorant, empty, twisted and crippled intent. That's how the adult was raised - with/by negative attention and that's simply all they have to give their kids and others - NEGATIVE ATTENTION!!! It's a well known fact that kids will settle for negative attention from their folks if positive attention isn't available. If that's tht only "love" they can get (and need), thay have no choice but to accept it - until the kids get out into the wolrd and start finding positive love elsewhere. Meanwhile, the crippled adults must go on validating and defending their Negative style of loving as it's all they have and most likely will not be willing to change or look for better alternatives since what they have is working for them so long as they hold the power and control over their little victim/love object(s). We can see how this Negative attention (love) extends into the forbidden and much feared (in the USA) SEXUAL REALM as well as the mental/emotional realm and it's impact on the innocent child who wants and needs attention of any kind and will (reluctantly) accept whatever it can get including unhealthy SEXUAL gifts (negative attention)! What's even stranger is how seriously many kids defend the negative way they are being raised with spankings and other forms of negative attention (crictism, neglect, cold indifference, etc.) as if there simply is no other way to be brought up and, for them, there isn't!...unless they witness somewhere else the giving of positive attention and realize that they are not getting what they really want at home. But then, if such a child wants some positive love instead of the negitive love they're getting, they'd have to rebel or turn on mom and/or dad.....that would be disloyal and terrifying so most victims of negative attention stay loyal to their only supply of (negative) love and fiercly defend their parents and others as "right", "good", and justify the negative attention (abuse) as deserved and correct for their (supposed) crimes. Having no other source of attention, a kid is compeled to cling to the (negative) source they have and honor and defend it - unless some fortunate intervention occurs to pull them away from negative attention towards healthier positvie attention. Spanking, beating, slapping, criticism, indifference, neglect, ridicule, hostility, unhappiness is the only love some kids ever know and they cling to it like a thirsty man clings to water out in the desert....what choice do we have until we leave home??? I'm glad I finally found lots of wonderful sources of POSITIVE ATTENTION now that I'm away from my negative childhood home and I sincerely wish the same for others that were raised on Negative Attention!
Jim |
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