 | No you shouldn't do anything until sit down with a pen and paper and determine where the real problems lie. You need a plan. Stop parenting by the seat of your pants.
Problem #1 Never threaten to punish a child and then not follow through. Simply put, that makes you a liar. How can she believe anything you say if you don't keep your word?
Problem #2 Your child is desperatley crying out for boundaries and you are not taking the appropriate steps to teach her boundaries.
How to set boundaries.
Let's start with Boundary #1
You will respect your parents.
- Define the problem: Talking back, cursing and throwing things are all disrespectful acts.
- Determine the appropriate consequences.
I have 13 year old daughter... here's some consequences that are very effective:
1) Cleaning the bathroom.
2) Cleaning the kitchen floor on her hands and knees with only a mop bucket of soapy water and a sponge.
3) Taking away her: Gameboy, computer time, or boom box.
4) Refusing to take her to anime night at the library.
5) All of the above!
Remember the consequence must be severe enough that she will not want to experience it often.
- You must communicate to your daughter during a teachable moment, the rules of your house and the consequences for breaking those rules.
- I guarantee your child will soon act out to see if you mean what you say. This is your child trying to grow and this is your opportunity to help her.
When your child back talks you handle it like this:
1) Remain calm and confident.
2) Inform your child, that because she choose to act inappropriatly she will suffer the consequence.
3) Invoke the consequence. (Don't WIMP OUT!!! don't let tears, emotions or insults change this outcome. In fact, the more your child brings it on, the more you set your jaw.) Your child must learn that inappropriate action leads to suffering.
4) As she experiences the consequence empathize with her. "I feel hurt, daughter, when you speak to me that way. And I feel for you because you will not have your gameboy for the next two weeks."
5) Remain consistent. Stick to the plan.
Life works on reality consequences. Getting angry, sending guilt messages, nagging or withdrawing love usually do not motivate people to change. True change usually comes only when someone’s behavior causes him to encounter reality consequences, such as pain or loss of time, money, possessions or other things she enjoys.
I strongly suggest the following book.
http://www.family.org/resources/itempg.cfm?itemid=2844 |
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