 | Ok, catholic guy, id first like to tell you that i am NOT lucky. The loneliness and depression i have experienced for the last 8 odd years and counting is something i would not wish on my worst enemy. I would, and still do by the way , go to school and i see everyone else with their group of friends and i'd have nobody. In case i dident mention it in the first post i dont have a lot of friends either. I did back in elementary school but they pretty much droped me for other people and i never made new ones. And some pretty mean guys totrured me in middle school and i dont think i ever socially recovered. Secondly catholicguy, i never said i couldent handle your so called "situations". If the oportinuty came up either now or in the past to have sex with a girl i liked i wouldent have a problem dealing with that, its just that it has never happend. And i never said i was going after girls just for sex either. I would love to have a girlfriend who i could just talk to and be romantic with, but nothing even close to that has ever happend before. Ive never even had a friend that was a girl. Pre martital sex, as you love to call it, is a situation i would love to be in actually and i dont consider myself lucky for not even having the choice. And lets forget about sex for a second. I can live without sex, i mean, hell ive been living without it my whole life. Ive never even kissed a girl or touched a girl. The most ive gotten from a girl is when a random one brushes against me in a busy hallway. What do you have to say about that catholic guy? I bet even guys that go to all boys schools have gotten more from girls at some point then i have. If anyone is curious how i havent gone insane by now, its because ive never known it any other way. This is the way my crappy life has always been. What makes me realize my life is crappy and then makes me depressed is when i see people socialize at school and something in my brain clicks on and i can recognize about how happy i would be to be a part of one of those groups and do what they do and hang out outside of school and makeout with one of the girls at a party somewhere. By the way, ive never been to a party either. Ive been to birthday parties when i was 6 of course but not like a real teenage party at someones house or whereever you people have parties. When i see movies like American Pie for example. Damn i would kill for a social life like that or any social life for that matter. Sure by not having any contact with other human beings i dont have any stds or anything, but at what cost??? Of course i dont want stds but you know what im saying. Any of the positive aspects of having no life at all do not out weigh the miserable exsistence i now live in and have lived in for about 8 years. By the way, this is the first time i have discussed any of this anywhere. The rare times i do talk to people i have to bluff my way into them thinking my life is as full of friends as their's. If they knew how socially alone i am they might think im weird and i dont want that. I want them to think im normal. And i am beleive it or not i am pretty normal. Its just my extreme shyness and fear of talking to even people of my own age has put a dark lonlely cloud over my life. I think im talking about this now because my second year of collage is winding down i have no more friends then i did in high school. Zero. While every one of you guys out there have some kind of social group and either a girlfriend or ex girlfriends and some type of regular fun activity to do with your friends, wether its just hanging out or parties, i dont. I go to my classes and go home. and i never go out. Thats it. It was like that all of high school too. And it doesant show any signs of changing. Something inside me is panicking. I fear the end of college and the start of a pathetic lonley adult exsistence. I want to change gears before that happens. |
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