 | Infoseeker,
First of all, I'd like to commend you on your desire to set your feelings aside to do the right thing for your daughter! I'm sure you are fighting internalized biases and remnants of your own upbringing that you may realize are unfounded. For some reason, it is easier to deal with a little boy who plays with his penis than with a little girl who masturbates. After all, it's a guy thing right? But little girls are supposed to be demure and innocent. It's an unfair standard, true. It's important to remember that these are little people who have all the same emotions and stuff going on that big people do, but in a very cut and dried, simple way. They love, they hate, they get angry, they forgive, etc. And they are sexual people. Not that they want to have sex, but that they know about parts of their bodies that feel good in a much different way than other parts feel good. It's natural that they would want to explore this, and as adults it is our job to acquaint them our social mores concerning this. i.e. "That part of your body in considered private and only yours. If you want to do that, it's ok to do it in your room when you are alone." Sounds like your daughter has that figured out if she only does it at bedtime. Try to remember that your daughter wanting to masturbate has nothing whatever to do with you. It is no reflection on you, only a byproduct of her being a human being. It sounds like at this point she only does it for comfort anyway.
Also, this is VERY common. Very. Here is something to think about: I personally have a good friend who used to do this when she was a little girl (only she used a pillow). She never really stopped, just got more purposeful about it when she got older. :) Now I was raised by a mother who was very uncomfortable with anything sexual. I have vivid memories of her telling me at the age of 4 or 5 that I shouldn't touch myself down there - it's dirty and wrong. So I never did, and had guilty feelings about even thinking about touching myself. The results? My friend has a very natural and healthy regard for sex. She has no hangups, no internal feelings of guilt (that's not to say she is a slut, because she very much isn't), and she enjoys it and reaches orgasm easily. I, at the age of 32, still feel a little guilty about sex (and masterbation). I did not have an orgasm until I was 27, and I went through many partners when I was younger until I realized it was my problem, not that they were just lousy lovers (although some of them were - let's face it, young guys have no clue, but that's a whole other topic). I don't find it all that easy to have orgasms now, either. My point is this, I wish my mom had given me another message, besides the one that my genitals are dirty and I'm dirty if I touch them. You may not have explicitly told your daughter that, but that is probably the message she got, which it why she was upset. If you have a problem with masturbation, you have a choice about whether or not to pass that bias on. Your daughter will not stop anyway probably, if she already does this. She will continue, but feel ashamed when she does it. You will think she has stopped, because she will learn to hide it from you. And what will she hide from you later? Your relationship with her is being forged now.
Hope this help! |
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