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| | | NEXT MESSAGE  | | | | | AUTHOR: | jmmelted | DATE: 03/12/03 8:18pm | | SUBJECT: |  lack of intimacy | | | i am 19 years old and i am 5 months pregnant. i have always been the party girl. the last three months before i found out i was pregnant, i got out of hand. i was always to be found at a rave or club doing many drugs. anywhere from coke to extacy. i was sleeping with a different guy every night. sometimes more than one guy a day. when i found out i was pregnant, i was already 8 weeks. i had thought that my period was thrown off by the large use of drugs and lack of sleep. as soon as i found out, i quit everything~even my three packs of cigarettes a day. i quit my striping job. i tried looking for a new one without much luck. i ended up getting caught stealing from walmart and i went to jail for a month. in jail, the nurse gave me two pregnancy tests~both came out negative. i was bleeding and i had something that looked like tissue always floating in the toilet. i thought i had a miscarriage. i finally was approved to see a doctor and he confirmed that i was 3 months pregnant and i had gonnorea and chlamydia. now, i am at home, i have a job as a maid at a hotel making 6 dollars an hour. i had my first doctors appointment last month and everything is going well. i am scared as hell and i am willing to do anything to make a good life for my child. the problem is, i don't know how to find the father. there is a long list of men that i slept with at that time and i don't have any numbers or anything. the club i used to go to and meet all these guys has been closed down. i feel extremely guilty that my child will not have a father. i have no one to talk to and no one to tell me everything will be alright. all my "friends" have abandoned me and my family is upset that i was so wreckless. i just want to be held. out of all the men i have slept with, not one is here to comfort me. i'm not really looking for any feedback. just trying to get everything off my chest. this is the first time i have been given the chance to "let it out". thank you for "listening". | |  | |
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