 | Hi, Laurine.
First, let me assure you that you are not alone. The problem starts on the part of the ex. Unfortunately, although she has little control over the lives of her daughters, she has opted to try to wreak havoc in the one way that most ex-wives are successful when all else fails. She is doing things that she knows will irritate you more than your stepdaughters and ex-husband. By doing this she is allowed control over a small (but satisfactory to her) part of your lives. She is successful at getting you two to argue about her. Trust that her daughters share this information, if unwittingly or in a non-malicious manner. However, this should not be your struggle to deal with. Sit your husband down and rationally, lovingly, patiently, and non-confrontationally explain to him that you do not intend to engage him high-school jealousy drama. Let him know that your issue with his ex is as real as it would be with any other person whose presence was unwanted. Let him know that you respect his desire for peace with his ex, but that you are very uncomfortable with her failure to respect your boundaries, be it stepping over the threshold of your front door or interfering in your relationship. Let him that it is your love and respect for him that prompt you to seek his help and intervention without handling it yourself but that his failure to address this makes you feel powerless in your own home. Let him know that you understand that you have limited contact with her but that it is important to you and to your relationship that he understand your point of view and set and stick to boundaries for the ex. Let him know that your issues would be the same no matter who the problem was and that you would be equally distressed if the person were an overly ambitious neighbor invading your space without invitation. Neither has the right to be there without the express permission of the heads of the house. Also, ask your husband to let his daughters know your policy on this has nothing to do with your love for them, but you need your home to be respected. The ex is fully aware that she is being allowed to overstep your boundaries. If she is allowed to do this, she will continue to push the envelope. Meanwhile, hang in there. She'll likely stop when she learns it's stopped bothering you. |
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