 | My 6 1/2 year old daughter has tantrums like a 3-year-old. It's like she never left the "terrible twos" when she's like this. Let me start by saying a few things about her.
She is very bright and in first grade. She reads on a second grade level and is more advanced in math than many of her classmates. She loves sports and has a very competitive nature (she always want to win or be right). She is not a "girly" girl; she loves cars, trucks, and building stuff, and occasionally plays with dolls. She has an older sister (age 9) who has a very different personality (very calm). She has NO problems in school, but hasn't developed the sort of very close relationships that her older sister has. Her friendships seem to be a bit more superficial. Other kids do like her and have playdates, but I think sometimes she comes on too strong for some kids -- she's "intense." She has a wonderful relationship with her older sister; they're very close.
Here's a typical scenario. She is playing a computer game. We tell her that she must stop in 10 minutes. We set a timer. 10 minutes goes by and the timer dings. She BEGS for more time. We tell her no. We tell her to finish her "level" or whatever and shut off the computer. She has a tantrum. She tries to think of all logical angles why we should give her more time. She yells and screams and cries. Sometimes she tries to hit us (we don't hit in our household). She then places blame on all sorts of unrelated things to try to elicit pity from us. She might fein being hurt to try to elicit sympathy. She just can't seem to get ahold of herself. She gets so focused on being angry and frustrated....This goes on for at least a half hour, usually more. It takes her FOREVER to calm down.
We try to calmy reason with her, but she just doesn't listen to us. No matter what the scenario, she gets into an irrational reasoning loop and doesn't want to hear what we're saying.
This is extremely disruptive in our household. Sometimes my husband, older daughter, and I just go into another part of the house and leave her alone to calm down in silence. That is effective sometimes.
There have been no changes in our household, living quarters, school, or anything. Our daughter has been like this since she was a toddler. It's just wearing us out. We've attacked this from all angles and still can't seem to break her of this behavior. We have tried to take away certain privileges (for example, no more computer until she hasn't had a tantrum in a week). But she can't seem to go more than a few days without throwing a tantrum over SOMETHING that frustrates her or that she can't accept.
She's going to be 7 in June. When will she outgrow this behavior? And more importantly, how can we teach her to deal with her frustration and cope with situations that she doesn't like? I'm afraid that if she's like this as a teenager, we'll have real trouble on our hands.
Any books you guys can recommend? Any approaches? We're ready to take her to a child psychologist.... |
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