 | I am 49 years old, and remarried in April of this year. The problem arises from my kids and his younger daughter. My husband is very anal, and somewhat of a control freak. He has been critical of everything my kids do from day one. The boys room is typical, and to tell you the truth, I don't clean it, I just shut the door and tell them it is their responsibility to keep it clean. My kids in my first marriage were overindulged by their father and I have been trying to correct that problem, but it takes time. I have to admit that I have seen improvement in them picking up after themselves, but my husband vehemently denies that things have changed. Now for the problem with his daughter. As a health care professional, I have recognized that my step daughter suffers from a mental disorder. I think my husband knows this too, although he would never admit it. Her history includes dropping out of high school at 16, and getting involved with the drug scene. At the time, her mother washed her hands of her, and she went to live with my husband. He helped get her back on track, she got her GED, and graduated last year from community college. In the meantime, she had a boyfriend who she spent all her time with, and the lease was coming up on my then fiancees condo. He wanted to move closer to me and offered for his daughter to join him, but she wanted to move in with her boyfriend. The deal was that she continue with college, both her parents pay her tuition and give her $600 a month jointly to help with her living expenses, while she maintain a part time job. Things were fine until May when she quit her job, saying that they were giving her a hard time because she was too pretty. At the same time, her boyfriend quit his job, saying he wanted to get into some union. All summer neither of them worked, and my husband and I continued to pay her money. Shortly after the semester started in Sept, she told us she was pregnant, and keeping the baby. Come November, we found out from my other step daughter (after paying her tuition for the entire semester and gave her book money)that she never did return to school. In November when this came to light, both her parents decided to wait till the end of the semester to confront her because they didn't want to implicate the other sister. Then my husband said...lets wait till after the holiday so as to not ruin anyones holiday. Well it is a month after Xmas and no one has confronted her, but what gets to me is that since May she and her boyfriend have not gotten a job. We did stop paying her money in Nov, but I was beginning to wonder how they were managing, and on top of it, her boyfriend bought her a pure bred dog 2 weeks ago. I know that my husband gave her money 3 weeks ago, but I couldn't help wondering if he was paying her all along, so I questioned him. I now regret asking him because it turned into a big fiasco about trust. He is mad as heck at me. I told him if he wants to help his daughter, then that is his purgative, but it is only fair that he be honest with me. He said he isn't helping her, and accused me of not wanting her to have heat or food. I told him we are not responsible for that, because they are 22 and 24 and should have jobs. He now says to me if I ever help my kids, he will divorce me. I am at my wits end, and I don't know how to fix this problem. He always says to me that because my kids live with us, it affects our everyday lives, and his kids don't affect our lives. Help, I need major advice |
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