 | Recently my high school sophmore has informed my wife and I that he is gay. Obvioulsy this is disconcerting to me as an american male, but I am mature enough to accept this and will forever love my son regardless. But there are other issues at play here and I am concerned that my son may be labeling himslf as an explanation for his other issues.
My son's most challenging issue is in group environments, which has been devastating to his social acceptance in school. This had been such a serious problem for him that at times he can not even speak and avoids interactions. Within the last year he has taken steps to overcome this, such as drama class and youth groups, and he is making strides, but none the less he views himself as being different from others.
He has always been friends with girls, rather than boys, and is a one friend at a time person, meaning he is very clingy and possesive. This has caused him to lose many friends over time and you can imagine the impact in teenage social circles, particularly with males.
Finally, his tendacies are not toward traditional male things, such as in music (he loves Celine and Britney), sports (does not enjoy them other than gymnastics), and he loves to dance. All of these make him the exception rather than the norm, and he views himself this way.
Now, with all that said, while he recently informed us, he apparantly came to the conclusion that he was gay several years ago when he was twelve or thirteen. While the items I listed are not mainstream, I also don't know if they necessarily make a person gay, and I am concerned that my son's young and inexperienced mind came to this conclusion as a label of explanation for his other issues.
Obviously this is a sensitive time in our relationship, and I don't want to press the issue and create a lasting backlash. But as a parent I feel I need to explore the concerns I have with my son while not making him feel attacked. As I said, whatever his life choices are he has my uncoditional love an support and I want him to forever be part of my life.
If folks could share their approaches to opening a dialogue, both what worked and what didn't, and from both points of view (parent and child) I would appreciate it.
One other note, please do not respond if your intent is to tell me I'm ignorant, need to adjust, or there is nothing wrong. There are too many postings on this board in this vein around this topic. Please, only constructive response to the advise sought. |
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