 | Hi Kim,
I agree with most of your premises, and concur that we should indeed not expect 3 year olds to demonstrate 10 year old behavior. However, there are times when we, as parents, draw comparisons - we look at other 3 year olds and recognize our 3 year old is not worse nor better, but different. Suddenly, we find they are no longer invited for playdates or see other parents become reluctant to send their children for playdates. We then hurt for our child, and want to work it through.
My son has one present parent, myself. I love him, respect him, and as most parents, have the highest hopes he will succeed in life. He is not a difficult child, nor is he an easy one. He hits, bites, kicks, screams, scratches and exhibits many of the other behaviors discussed on this message board. He can be extremely defiant one moment, remorseful and loving the next. In a perfect world, I would stay home, give him the love and security this age and stage requires, and work through the tantrums.
Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world. In order for my son to have access to aspirations I have for him, I have to work. I sent him to daycare when he was 2 1/2 years old and he gradually started exhibiting defiant and oppositional behavior there as well. Finally six months later, he was asked to leave. I now have him in the most exclusive, practically unafordable day care around which offers small class environments and lots of individualized attention which hopefully will make a difference.
On the other hand, I am consulting a psychologist simply because I can not allow my son, regardless of his age, to continue to exhibit behavior that is not accepted in day care or school settings. Education is THE most important avenue to secure future success and unfortunately society requires students to succeed early - sometimes before they're ready, but in many cases leaves little alternative for single parents who have few choices.
I agree with you that constructive discipline in a consistent and fair manner is the best practice. However, I believe that giving all 2 and 3 year olds free reign on their behavior and telling parents to accept it unconditionally, is not the solution. An effective parent will recognize when their child's behavior falls beyond the normal range, and should seek professional guidance for behavior modification techniques so that these children will be able to succeed both socially and independently.
That's my two cents worth. |
PREVIOUS MESSAGE
PREVIOUS DISCUSSION