 | Amanda,
This is not an issue that can be solved easily. The first thing to understand is that your children have been hurt very deeply on an emotional level - a level that can't readily be reached by rationality. Their fear is more like a reflex, which they are literally powerless to control. Getting beyond it will probably require years of sensitivity and trust-building.
I can relate to their responses personally, in that my father was an alcoholic, and I still have a very low tolerance for drinking, especially in people I care deeply about. The fact that I rationally know the situation to be different does not matter; the drinking brings back all the old horror.
The question you need to ask yourself is: what's more important? Having the freedom to play around as you wish in front of your children, or being aware of their sensitivities and modifying your own behavior when you can to help them heal. It may not seem fair to put a damper on your own fun, when you were not the one to blame for their father's violence; but often, life's not fair. It will be heroic, and it can help them to learn a more gentle way of relating, and possibly save them from repeating the pattern of your first marriage. Domestic abuse tends to repeat itself because young people tend to choose partners who fill the roles that their parents did.
Perhaps, in time, if you and your boyfriend can build and maintain a close relationship with your girls, you can become freer with this kind of physical play. But in the meantime, please be aware that their fear is very real. |
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