 | It is well past 4:30 in hells ghetto. The calm makes my mind become numb with primal rage and fear. But tommarow it will all be over tomarow will be April 15. The cort day. Almost 2 years ago i tried to kill my self at school. I took a gun to school. And at the last minut i changed my mind, i was going to let fate to determine if i was going to live. I put five bullets into the gun and i spun the wheel and snaped it shut. That was to be the last sound i herd. I pulled the trigger. Nothing happend. I thought that something, somewhere wanted me alive for something. I hid the gun somewhere on campus and went back to class. Somebody saw me running with the gun. The cops were called and the asked me where the gun was. I could have said nothing but i told them, i knew that i needed help, insted of help i got hell. I went to a mental hospital. There was rape, lots of blood, and an atmosphere that was totaly void of hope. And what stiks out the most was a person who was to far gon to help. He riped hes eyes out to stop the visions. I can't get the sight out of my head. I don't even think it made the news. Now it's time to pay again tomarrow i go to court and pay for my supposed crice again. A crime i comited against my self. No one ever told me what my crime was, no matter how often i asked. I can only guess what it is. I know that i could be in jail or another mental hospital again and i don't have the life force energy to deal. So tonight, hear and now i die. I'd like to hear what you people have to say about my message but i don't think i will be around to read cos i'l be dead, in jail, or some hospital. But know this, There was one thing i was never able to do in my life. I was never to fly one of the beutiful birds of the U.S.A.F. I always wanted to join the airforce. I have never had a chance of doing this cos i am legaly blind. That means i can't see enough to do basicly anything. So if there is one thing that i hoped to accomplish with this message is to get someone to fallow my dream for me. So if you can go for it, if not for me then for your self. |
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