 | 5 years ago, I divorced my ex-wife. After 12 years of marriage, she decided that she was a lesbian.
From that marriage, I have two sons, now aged 8 and 10. My oldest son has a non-verbal learning disability that falls within the Autism spectrumhe's not your classic autistic person of the Rain Man type; in fact, he's very bright, very verbal, but also very eccentric. It's this eccentricity, though, that lands him in trouble frequently. Generally, at school, he does okay. He gets a lot of support services, and his principal and teacher and parapro all have done a great job of successfully integrating him into the classroom. It turns out, a lot of kids like him for his unique perspective, sense of humor, and just plain wackiness.
However, summer is coming, and while he did pretty well in summer day care/camp last year, I know that near the end of the summer, there were a few kids who picked on him. As a matter of fact, on the last day of summer camp, when I was picking him up, he asked me, "Dad, what's 'gay'?"
If ever there were a time when I felt like saying, "Go ask your mother," this was it. However, reflecting back on my own childhood, I suspected that the name calling was more a reflection of how different he is from other kids more than an attempt to really call him a homosexual.
So, I say that all to lay the groundwork for my question: How do I get their mother to out herself to them? I don't really feel it's my job to do that. I think that's best left to her. But I'm also tired of giving the responses that I have (generally, they started out as, "Well, gee, you know, sometimes the hardest thing there is to do is for two people to stay in love, and your mom and I, well, we tried and tried and tried, but we just found out we didn't love each other....", and it's become, "Well, there are some things that your mother did that told me she wasn't in love with me anymore."
Yeah, I know that last one is kinda harsh to tell a little guy, but, frankly, I feel as though their mother has been taking advantage of my wanting to maintain my boys' innocence and childhood as long as I can. And, frankly, I feel as though she's afraid to tell them.
I mean, jeepers, she lives with a seriously butch lesbian (I guess she's the femme of the pair - which is really weird when I think about it, but that's for another conversation). The boys live with each of us for four week stints. It seems to work pretty well, but, like I said, I'm just tired of being a decent guy. Frankly, I'm sort of hoping that when she tells them, they'll get it, and then they'll see that she has been lying to them all this time (seriously, Butch has been living with their mother for 4 years, and they still haven't told the boys what's up with that, and my guys are innocent enough to think that they're just friends), and when that happens, I'd really like them to want to come and stay with me.
Okay, while that sounds like a lot of bitterness, there is, too, this other thing about their mother ceding all her authority and responsibility to Butch (yes, it is THAT type of a lesbian relationship), and I'm very uncomfortable with it. I've told their mother this many times, and she just ignores me.
So, what do you guys think? Should I out her or should I let her out herself? The word "gay" is coming up more and more as my sons move further through their school years.
Thanks. |
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