 | My heart goes out to all that have posted and will post that have lost a baby. I have lost 3. I carried my first baby 36 weeks and Erica was stillborn (12-2-91). This just about killed me. My heart hurt so bad. I was mad at the world, God and especially my husband. When I went back to work my boss had changed my job and his girlfriend had taken over my job. I had been the Office Manager and he had dropped me to Telemarketing. I was making the same money, but I hated it. After the girlfriend and I had words, and she told me that she knew "exactly" what I was going through (she had an elected abortion) I exploded. Told her what she could do with the job and I quit. I was so upset, but it turned out to be the best thing. We tried again and I miscarried at 8 weeks (8-2-92), had a D&C and again was mad.
We evenutally divorced and I later met my current husband. I got preg. and was scared to death. I didn't want to be preg. I couldn't go through this again, but yet I had to. I made it to 26 weeks (2-5-99) and this time had a stillborn baby boy. My second husband reacted like a father should, unlike my first husband. It was not easier the 3rd time. I felt like each time, part of me died with my children. I had complications having Aaron and for 45 minutes was in a drug induced seizure. At 35 we decided to never try again. I/We could not go through this again.
Well, gues what??? At 37 I started having the symptoms of being preg. again. I cried, cussed, fussed and finally told my husband. He had mixed emotions, because he was there with me every minute when Aaron was born and he couldn't stand to see me/us go through this again. I progressed with the help of my OB & a group of Specialist and at 33 weeks my bundle of joy was born (8-8-02) emergency C-section. Macayla is the light of my life. I never knew how much you can love someone until she was born. Even though she was 7 weeks premie, she was healthy and the best sound I ever heard, was her first cry. I cried, Daddy cried, even my OB & the nurses cried. My OB was so excited that we had finally been able to have a healthy child. She was in NICU for 2 weeks learning to suck. Other than that she was perfect and never on any type of life support. I camped out at the hospital for the 2 weeks and the day she came home was the best day ever. I finally, after 11 years, was taking a baby home to love, nuture and watch grow.
I've said all of that to say this....Don't give up. If it is meant for you to have children you will. You will never "Get over" loosing a child like some uneducated/unexperienced people will say, but you will learn to live with it. It does get easier, but you need to talk about it. Don't bottle it up. Check with your local hospital, most have a support group of Bereived Parents. Talk to us on this board, but talk. This helped me so much. People that have not been through it have no idea what they are talking about and certainly don't know how you feel. When the Dr. told me that Erica was stillborn, the first person I thought of was my Aunt. She had a stillborn about 2 weeks before I was born and I remembered visiting the grave as a child. She told me "People will tell you to get over it, but you will never get over it, you learn to live with it, just like anything else that happens to you in life. You will always remember and wonder why." She was right.
My prayers & thoughts are with all of you. If anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to e-mail me at cgjmh62@aol.com and put Miscarriage in the subject line. I don't have all the answers, but I'll be a sholder & ear for you. I know what I went through and it wasn't easy.
Good Luck |
PREVIOUS MESSAGE
PREVIOUS DISCUSSION