 | Hi there. You do not need to let this mess up your life. I think your problem is that you feel you have done something wrong. It sounds its more subconious than anything. In society we are taught that same sex anything is wrong. Which I'm not against, but anyways. I believe that because of the way people talk and react to activities of the same sex, you feel that you have commited an act which is abnormal. What you did is completely normal. Every young child has experimented sexually one way or another. If they say they didnt they lied. Because somewhere along the line you get curious. You see things, you hear things, you find your private parts and it opens up a new world to learn. I'm betting that you chose this boy because you were close friends, you trusted eachother, and you were around eachother a lot. I bet that if that had been a girl you were friends with it would have happended with her. When your young the boy girl thing doesnt have the same meaning as when you are an adult. You were just a baby. And not the only baby who has done this. Many, many people experiment with the same sex as children. What you have to do is come to terms with what you did. You are putting too much thought behind something you did when you were 4. I can't even believe you can remember that. I'm not sure if you can do this on your own. You might need to talk to a counsler. But you have to understand. There is nothing wrong with you now. There was nothing wrong with you then. It wasn't bad, it wasn't gross. It was just experimenting. I too did some experimenting as a young child. Its not something I talk to people about cuz its embarrassing. Even though people understand what we did as kids they don't want to admit that it's ok, it's acceptable. Everyone plays it off as bad, or gross. So be careful who you talk to about it. Like the guy you did it with. He would never admit to you that he is ok with it because he thinks if he did he would be admitting that something that was ok for him to do at 4 is ok for him to do now. That's not it at all. It doesn't mean your gay and it doesn't mean he is gay. 4 year olds don't know what gay is. You were an innocent baby doing what innocent babies do. You just have to tell yourself that its ok. And move on. Something like this shouldn't be bothering you. Unless you are in fact gay and your holding on to this memory and your letting it get to you because your making yourself feel guilty when its your subconsious trying to tell you that what your feeling is ok. But your old enough to know if you gay or not. So if being gay isn't what you need to come to terms with. Then know that your ok. What you did was ok. And just leave it behind you. That time is over, its done with. Now live your life and be happy. |
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