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| | | | | | | | AUTHOR: | 3rdy2go | DATE: 01/26/04 10:01am | | SUBJECT: |  de-programming the children after visits | | | Here is my issue...I am #3 soon to be wife,I have three children from my first marriage, my soon to be husband has 2 from (1st wife)2 from (2nd wife). The our kids range from 5years to 25years old. It is many issues with his children with wife number 2 that i have concern, they were essentially raised with this woman for almost 16years. I respect her as a mother to some extent until it comes to the issue of seperate and divide the children. You must know that his 23yr old son is disabled. He requires much more attention than even my 5 year old. I have stepped up to the plate to be a caring "friend" to him however everytime he visits his step mother(which he guilts her into taking him or invites himself)she puts things into his vocabulary and mind that would be hard for someone without disabilites to understand. We almost have to de-program him to get him back to being socialable. The hardest part for me to deal with is that he really puts himself into these situations because of his age and calling himself an adult and making his adult decisions to visit her. These visits are very hard for his father because he sees that his ex wife is still able to hurt him through his disabled son. We have gotten to the point where counciling doesn't work and they have even encourage the relationship with the ex-stepmother. Can anyone make sense of this to me?
We by no means want to put negative feeling in the relationship with his step-mother but he is being hurt time and time again and we feel that she is just a controling person that is out of control and her good judgement is not being used with this young man. From calling his father and me names and even including my children in name calling this woman is "way out there".I don't want us to be precieved as the evil people that the ex keeps putting into his sons head, the relationship was over three years before I even entered the picture.I wasn't the home wrecker by any means. It seems the root of all evil is the famous money issue. And my fiance does all to provide for his ex and all his children this is something I encourage.She is in a realtionship herself but maybe she isn't as happy as we are, i can't explain it.I would like a happy medium but there seems to be none. I can not talk to the ex due in part because bieng cussed out is not a conversation to me. There is more when the daughter(18yrs old) of number2 calls to cuss me out too. I don't want to push anything that is not mutual with my future husbands kids but my children(youger) see me getting upset by the older kids behavior and this is affecting them. Help.......what else could i possibly do to improve this situation? My fiance says that his kids are grown and he is serious about giving up hope that they will behave or accept our situation. I am open for suggestions.......I hope someone can help. | |  | |
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