 | To make a really long story short.....
My 15 yr old son was diagnosed with Add a few yrs ago. He most likely had the hyperactiviy when he was young, but that has faded... my son is in all honors in high school... he's extremely bright, tested post high school in 3rd grade in all areas. He is typically distractable, argumentive, and implusive. My husband is less than tolerable of my son's behavior...for example.. my son rollar bladed to school and called me because he forget his shoes, he was mowing the lawn, came in to get a drink and left the lawn mower in the yard half done and was watching t.v. Now I understand ADD/ADHD and that extra parental responsiblities involved in trying to assist my son in being successful in life. However my husband had gotten into a negative pattern of bx with him. He feels that my son is lazy, argumentative, rude, and his behavior is unexcusable. In all other social settings with family, friends, and co-workers they feel that my son's behavior is not out of control. My husbands is very demanding, a perfectionist and constantly focuses on the what my son has not done, which I'm sure had greatly damaged my son's self esteem. For example.. if my son has three chores to do, and does two but not the third... my husband yells at him about the third... Another fact I need to point out is.. my husband is my son's step dad. My husband has become so increaseingly frustrated with my son, that he becomes angry and yells very distructive things at my son.. calling him fat, lazy, telling him he is going to end up in jail, ect. My son is in all honors, doesn't hang out in gangs, doesn't do drugs, hasn't had a girlfriend..etc. He is however getting a "d" in Spanish, and states that he doesn't do the homework because he gets frustrated. My husband spends no productive time with my son, (or other children) and has insisted that I'm not doing my job "handling" my son. My husband became very angry after getting into an arguement with my son and threatened to kill him. This for me was a last straw... I'm moving this week. I know this is a good decision for me. The reason I'm writing is because I'm wondering if anyone else has a simular situation to share. My husband has somehow convinced me that I am a bad parent, and if I was a better parent my son would do what he is told all the time, not talk back and get his chores done. I guess my question is....1) what is "typical" ADD/ADHD behavior for a 15 yr old boy.... I think my husband's behavior is abuse towards my son, he often curses at him, tells him very demeading things, and I will not tolerate this... my husband and I are going to counseling.... however, he states that I am leaving irrationaly, stating that he is trying to not yell at my son and say demeaning things. My second question is.... this is abuse nontheless is is not? and I am resonponsible to protect my son from abuse..... Is leaving sending a message that I'm not willing to do what it takes to work out our family issues?
Thanks for listening I realize this is a book... i just need feedback...
I guess reassurance that I'm doing the right thing..... |
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