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| | | NEXT MESSAGE  | | | | | AUTHOR: | ExcitedMom2B | DATE: 01/15/04 5:45pm | | SUBJECT: |  unwed pregnancy, horomones, relationship (long) | | | I've never posted on this board before so please bear with me. :)
K- here's my story.. My name is Lori, I'm 20 I'll be 21 on June 7th 04, just 13 days before I'm due to have my first child, a baby boy.
I was an eager child/teen.. from the day I turned 16 I thought I was ready for motherhood... I tried for about 3 1/2 years to get pregnant.. (with willing partners/ex-husband, ex finance, and boyfriends)K I know ur thinking at this point I'm crazy, lol. I look back & think the same thing.. I was totally nieve! Anyway, key word in the last paragraph was TRIED... for 3 1/2 years consistently TRYING and nothing happened. Even with my ex-fiance & ex-husband I tried tracking my cervical mucus & basal body temp and still to no avail.
Finally one day probably a week or so before my divorce was final, I came to the my own conclusion I wasn't ever going to have any of my own children. I just accepted it and decided to finish college move on, and eventually adopt.
I had been dating the bd for no longer then 2 months when I got pregnant, and found out at my first gyn apt.. It was only our second time being intimate at that, the irony, huh! I told the bd & he was ecstatic. However I got very depressed & turned into the devil incarnate! I broke up with him a week later, attempted to break all contact with him and began to plot ways of getting him out of my life for good (not hurting him physically though) I thougt about faking and abortion or miscarriage just because I wanted the child all to my self.. and yet I was very mad to say the least that I was pregnant. However subconsciously ecstatic because I was going to be a mother.. -- anyway in the end I'd like to be able to blame all of that craziness on hormones, but im sure its not a good excuse. Still being the good guy he is he stuck to it gave me my space but still insisted on being apart of his child's life.. Slowly I began to give in, first it was by sending him ultrasounds, then it was answering questions he e-mailed me, I began to come to my senses with some advice from a few neutral friends. & yesterday I took a bigger step, I invited him over the phone to an 18-week ultrasound, which was today, gave him my new cell number and started discussing baby names.. by the end of our 4 hour long phone conversation, we had mutually decided to try and work things out and get back together, because we do love each other and it would be best for our child..
So anyway today went great! went to the ultrasound together, both cried when we seen our baby in 3d (could see skin & everything!) then went to lunch & then a movie.. it was as if we never broke up in the first place! He even got a chance to feel the baby kick by placing his hand on my tummy, I giggled & he cryed, lol Was a really great day..
My fear is that my "evil twin" will comeback.. I don't know if it was solely because of rampant hormones or what.. but I'd really like to give this relationship the best chance! Occasionally I still get a thought about how scared I am to be
in another relationship so soon after my divorce, & in a way I'm scared of giving up my personal freedom to, but I know a baby is going to change everything, & I'm going to have to get used to that & grow up! I cant say this child was unplanned, cause I had wanted it for a long time, but it being unexpected put a twist on things. I know I cant be single forever, & I really love this guy, but everything so soon in our relationship just kinda terrified me, he even wanted to marry me when he found out, & still does..
Please any advice will help.. even if it's the "tough love kind" I'm open to constructive criticism. I know that its alot easier to find a resolution & answers for a situation when your not in it..
Thanks in advance
Lori | |  | |
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