 | I work in special ed so I talked to one of my coworkers who can diagnose ADHD/ADD. Without a formal test, just listening to my stories, she thinks it's a combination of the stress in our lives.
I have had arthritis since I was 9. It took it's toll on my ankle and last year my hindfoot collapsed. I had hindfoot reonctructive surgery,the recovery lasted 6 months. It didn't help with the pain (I couldn't even walk to get the mail) but it had to be done for the future (like 5 years or so) ankle replacement or fusion. I had to struggle with my options of replacing or fusing the ankle. It was very stressful especially when the doctor said he would not replace it on someone so young (31). Meanwhile my emotionless boyfriend and I begin having more and more problems. He is very strict and authoritarian, negative comments flow out of him but it's rare to hear compliments. It has caused a lot of stress between us and I am sure the kids have picked up on it. Well, I found a doctor to do a replacement and surgery was set for Oct 2003. I was so scared, and I didn't feel like I had much support from my bf. The pain became unbearable until the surgery. Post surgery I had Lots of pain and medication problems. Now I am doing good, just awaiting the green light for therapy to start. My full recovery won't be until February.
I know my physical problems, seing me in so much pain, having to pick up the slack around the house, running "foot" errands for me, seeing me sad about my bf, possibly eavesdropping on arguments, listening to the bf and all his negativity doesn't help anyone, much less a child.
Sh has also expressd wishes that her father and I were together still. Her father will be getting married this summer to a women who at first was a total "you-know'what" and hated me just because I was the mother of his children, but somehow he got her to chilll out and now she is civil to me and the kids seem to really like her.
I have thought hard about leaving my boyfriend. I feel he is really bringing me down. I don't have the money or the resources to leave. Physically it could be awful for my recovery. I feel I am better off staying until I can WALK out the door for real. Meanwhile, we deal with these issues...Is it my fault then that she is so angry? Angry at me for bringing someone so bitter and grumpy into her life?
She listens to him but I am not sure whether it is respect or plain fear of him yelling at her. Aren't all kids afraid of being yelled at? That's why they lie right? So, just because he is strict doesn't mean he is bad.
I am torn about him. He is a very deceent man. He is a good person. He IS hard on the kids. Mostly my son. (6 years old) He doesn't have problems with my daughter listening and until recently he never saw this "attitude" side of her. It was more hear say from me...
I feel like I am messing my kids up by staying here with him. What's the alternative? Down the road I find a guy who hits me, drinks too much or deja vue- a cheater! I know John will not do any of those things. He is a man of his word and honor. But he won't marry me, we split bills 50/50 (down to the dollar), we live in HIS house, he is in control of practially everything. He hollers 75% more at my kids (could be their age, his kids are 10 and 12)and I just feel like he is constantly on me and my kids about anything and everything. I know I have not been the easiest person to deal with during my physical ailments but he is such an emotion dunse that he hasn't offered much support.
I am taking my daughter to the couselor tomorrow. He is concernced and wants to se us right away. It's also her birthday so I though I would take her to lunch first. Is that sending the wrong message? Will she think "Yeah-going to the couselor means ...McDonalds!!" If I emphasize that it's a BIRTHDAY lunch she should get it right????? Hmmmmmmm,...the joys of parenthood...single mother style. |
PREVIOUS MESSAGE
PREVIOUS DISCUSSION