 | I, too, am at my wits end with my 3 year old son. His temper and behavior issues have always been an issue, but we've pretty much been able to control him. I've had 2 surgeries recently and now I've been getting reports from his pre-school teacher and babysitter that his behavior is unacceptable. I have to admit that, even prior to surgery, we tended to yell a lot when the boys are disobedient. I do believe that we have contributed to the situation negatively. We have to adjust our behaviors in an effort to curtail any negative behaviors that our kids have been displaying. My aunt, a special ed. teacher, suggested that our 3 year old may be showing mild signs of ODD, but feels confident that we can work through it.
Some suggestions from my aunt and from my therapist:
1) Poor eating habits: Take their dinner and put it in another room, separate from the family, and have them eat alone. They'll hate being away from the family and want to exhibit proper table manners so that they can be a part of the family. It has been working for us.
2) Try to remain consistent with your spouse/ partner or anyone involved in raising the child, when it comes to consequences for negative behavior. You must agree to stay calm and be firm in your action towards the child.
3) Try the reward system. The child needs to be praised, initially, for ALL good behaviors. The child needs to feel successful. There are different schools of thought on overpraising, but in the beginning, all good behaviors should be recognized. This way, the child will get the attention that he/she is seeking for positive rather than negative, i.e. yelling for negative behavior...guilty :0(.
4) Make sure that the child's daycare provider know that you are addressing the behavior issues. You need to keep the lines of communication opened at all times. Devise a plan of action that is conducive to their daycare/school setting that will benefit everyone.
5) Don't blame yourself. All children are different as are all parents. You have to be strong and sometimes you have to re-evaluate your parenting skills, but we can't blame ourselves for not knowing how to deal with every circumstance that comes our way. The best thing that you can do is recognize that certain things are ineffective and try to educate yourself on what may work. It's trial and error. Figure out what works and stick with it. Figure out what doesn't and toss it.
6) Set specific rules for inside/outside behavior, i.e., no running or yelling in the house. Remind them when a rule has been broken.
7) Give them enough opportunities to burn off energy and aggressions. Get them outside as much as possible.
8) Be active in their lives. Spend quiet time with them. Listen to them. Play with them. Tell them often how much you love them.
Some of this stuff is just common sense. Some may work for you and may not. I'm still in the trial and error phase. If anyone has any other suggestions, please, please, please, add to the list. |
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