 | Never speak negatively (ONLY POSITIVELY)about your child's father. Kudos for doing that so far.
In my opinion, you do not need to tell your child that, especially not a three year old. Your child will discover this on her own as she grows older.
TRUE STORY: (names are changed to protect identities of minors)
My sister had her daughter when she was 16, and the father I believe was around 22 or thereabouts. For years my sister struggled through the court system to make sure her daughter got to spend time with her dad. She also sued for child support, which she never received... 14 years later she's still waiting. My neice, who I will call Tee, was spending weekend with her father and his family. She also spent holidays. When she was little (2-5yrs)this was a great thing. She loved having two Chistmases, and two birthdays. But as she aged, she realized, that it wasn't fair that any gift she received has to stay with her fathers family. It wasn't fair that they talked negatively about her mother, who was doing her best to raise her. She didn't like that her father and his family were trying to use her to spy on her mother ("So who is your mommy dating now?", "where does mommy work?", "how many presents did mommy buy you?"). When she was about 9 or 10, she decided that they were losers, that her mom really loved her and wanted what was best for her. All this time, despite the fact that Tee's father constantly spoke ill of her mother, her mother never said a negative thing about him while Tee was present or within earshot. Tee is 14 now, and my sister is married to another man. Tee calls him Dad. As for her biological father and his family.... as far as Tee is concerned, they never deserved to have a kid like her in their lives, and they no longer exist to her. She's healthy, happy, well-behaved, well-adjusted, and very smart.
My sister did what was best for Tee, despite her own feelings toward the jerk who claimed Tee wasnt his, left my sister while she was pregnant, and has weaseled out of child support for 14 years. The way Tee and my sister see it... they never needed him or his money, they are perfectly happy in their life, and what goes around comes around. |
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