 | My 3 1/2 year old daughter just started preschool. I would describe her as a very "spirited" little girl at home, but she has never had any behavior problems.
She seems very verbally advanced compared to the other kids in her class (although she is one of the youngest) and is already learning how to read, do simple math problems, play computer games meant for 5 year olds, etc. so I seriously doubt that she is in any way learning disabled. However, she has been a discipline problem for the teachers at her preschool. They tell me that she doesn't listen, won't follow directions, and is verbally defiant to the teachers when she doesn't want to do whatever she is being asked to do.
I am not surprised at the defiance because she does that at home (wanting to argue and negotiate everything) but generally she does as she's told; for example, if I ask her to put on her shoes and she doesn't want to, she'll say "I'm NOT going to put on my shoes!" while she is actually sitting on the floor putting her shoes on. I generally ignore this as long as she's following directions because I think she's just using words to vent her feelings, but I can see where a teacher would not like listening to a 3 year old talk back. But the other things I'm being told about her behavior at school just seem so out of character for her. Today she got in trouble for pulling another child's clothing/hair, pushing, and being physically aggressive to the other kids. She NEVER acts like this at home. We also have an 11 month old son, and my daughter is WONDERFUL with him. She never showed any kind of jealousy toward him when he was born, shares her toys with him, and has never once gotten physically aggressive towards him. I am stunned to hear she was acting that way at school. If it doesn't stop, she will be expelled.
I have been talking to her every single day since school started about how she is supposed to behave and I really think she does understand what's expected of her. But the teachers at her school have recommended she be evaluated for learning disabilities and anger problems. I just don't understand where all of this is coming from, and we are at a total loss as to what we can do to improve her behavior since she just doesn't act that way at home.
Another issue raised by the teacher was my daughter's short attention span, which also came as a shock because at home she has an incredible attention span (admittedly for things she feels like doing at the time) but she spends hours each day reading books, playing computer games, coloring and writing, etc. For other adults who have been in our home, the general reaction is "I've never seen a kid that age with such a long attention span for x" so I don't really know what to make of the preschool teachers saying her attention span is unusually short.
She is also being described by the teachers as being overly impulsive and unable to control herself, but again this is not behavior exhibited at home. She is a very energitic child who is always talking and busy, but doesn't have any problem with delayed gratification or controlling herself in public, sitting still for long periods of time doing a quiet activity, or staying on task.
I guess the next step is having her evaluated. I really don't know what to expect. Now my husband and I are trying to decide if we should pull her out of school and try again nexxt year when she's 4, in hopes that these issues will disappear with age and maturity, or if we have already waited too long to put her into a social setting and really need to work to catch up. We feel very helpless. The school she's in is supposed to be one of the best, so I don't doubt that it's a good environment. There are 18 kids in her class and two teachers ... my first inclination is to think that isn't a great teacher/child ratio for a bunch of 3 year olds, but apparently all the other 17 kids are behaving themselves just fine.
Any advice? |
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