 | nuper:
when I went to 12 step anonymous groups and some counseling, I also noticed that there were vast differnces between my definitions of words and basic beliefs compared to what they were teaching us. Words like: friend, respect, love, SEX, asseriveness, communication, confrontation, courage, hummility, god, beliefs, feelings, grief and so many others had to be examined and re-defined. I spent a lot of time in the Thesaurus and listening to other "recovering" folks going through the same re-learning process as me.
Re:"One of the biggest words I had to eliminate from my vocabulary was "respect". My Father destroyed my understanding of what it really meant in terms of giving it, or recieving it."
Respect to me meant: submission through fear...if you could scare me enough....I'd respect you....otherwise I looked down on you or worse. I learned that respect is based on love, dignity, honor, loyalty, friendship, courage, etc. and not FEAR, THREATS, CONTEMPT or a SOUND BEATING! as I was taught by dad and others. It's taken a long, hard time to undo and overturn much to the FILTH my parents and others dumped into my vulnerable child's mind and I'm still working on it each day (at 65) but it's worth every effort to free myself of their garbage while keeping the treasures they also offered and tha't why I harp on TRAINING and SELF EXAMINATION to all the parents out there that are still brainwashed like my folks and do their kids harm with the "old school" beliefs and behaviors.....lennient or brutal, soft or hard, permissive or tyrannical.
Some good PARENT TRAINING sure would have made a big difference in us kid's lives!
I really like your posts and see you as among the best and most articulate writters here.....please keep up the good work........
your friend, jim |
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