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|  PREVIOUS MESSAGE | NEXT MESSAGE  | | | | | AUTHOR: | twicethemom | DATE: 08/08/03 1:55pm | | SUBJECT: |  Re: yelling at me, hitting me, and very defiant | | IN REPLY TO: yelling at me, hitting me, and very defiant
AUTHOR: Mommy2My 2Boys | | | I just posted a similar problem with my almost 4-year-old's defiance driving me CRAZY! I just read the comment made yesterday (8/7) about the similarity of many of you spanking and I don't think that comment was appropriate. Granted, we all have different opinions about spanking, but no one opinion is completely right. When used correctly spanking can be effective for some behaviors in some kids.
My husband and I tried spankings but it was not the appropriate punishment for our daughter. All it accomplished was making her scream and cry but the behavior never stopped. We've tried all kinds of things but are still at a loss for what to do. What we have recently started doing (about a month now) is to send her to her room when she doesn't listen or misbehaves and tell her that when she's ready to stop whining, screaming and/or when she's ready to behave and listen then she can come out. Our goalis to help her learn to "cool off" on her own and realize when she's ready to behave. After all, sometimes kids can be in a bad mood, just like adults, and need time alone to cool off. We try to make it seem to her like it is not a punishment but a good thing - it gives her time alone to think and try to relax. We tell her that if she is frustrated or angry she can punch her pillow or scream into it or bang on her drums or whatever. Sometimes she stays in her room for 1/2 an hour and sometimes she comes out right away. When she's ready she can come back out and talk to us if she wants to. But we dont' force her to talk. We do, however make repeat to us why she was sent to her room and, if the behavior was hitting or something hurtful, she has to appologize to me, dad or brother or whoever. She ALWAYS knows why she was sent to her room, in detail. After that, we drop it and try to change to a positive note.
This is the best way to handle her behavior that we've found so far and she has responded to it will. She is the kind of child who wants control over what happens around her and this means of dealing with her when she misbehaves give her some control by allowing her to calm herself down and decide when SHE is ready to come out of her room. Unfortuneately it hasn't made her stop defying us. I am beginning to think she just needs to grow out of it. As long as we don't let her get away with it then there is not much else we can do. Part of it is normal and testing boundaries, true, but it's not acceptable behavior and it must be dealt with. The question on all of our minds is - what will work for MY child. Good luck to all!
I just want to add that I know all of us parents have different ways of raising our kids and we are all learning by "trial and error." There is NO ONE WAY to deal with a particular behavior and there is no right answer that applies to everyone. Each child is different and each parent is different. We all tend to learn from our own childhoods too. Anyway, I just don't like to see comments from parents that are incinuating that spanking or any other means of punishment or tackling a problem is flat out wrong. It may be wrong for one person but work well for another. So let's not judge each other here. | |  | |
| | | | | | MESSAGES | | | | | Mommy2My 2Boys | | 06/13/03 10:02pm | | | | my2rugrats | | 06/14/03 08:47pm | | | | momtoholland | | 06/18/03 08:30am | | | | Mommy2My 2Boys | | 06/18/03 02:45pm | | | | Tracy1978 | | 06/19/03 01:58pm | | | | d123m | | 07/29/03 10:06pm | | | | Punky'smom | | 07/29/03 01:49pm | | | | snglemomand2yr | | 08/07/03 03:19pm | | | | BbyBrownz | | 08/07/03 11:50pm | | | | twicethemom | | 08/08/03 01:55pm | | | | bino | | 10/28/03 01:36pm | | | | Rielirish | | 11/11/03 08:26pm | | | | bjs_mom | | 11/13/03 10:12pm | |  PREVIOUS DISCUSSION | NEXT DISCUSSION  |
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