 | Dear Brian,
Essentially I agree with what Rennie said above. I've never been involved in a stepmother/father situation, but I do have a lot of experience of spanking teenagers, from both the giving and the receiving angle.
I'll come to a point in your last paragraph first, and here I'd like to enter a plea for mitigation on behalf of your new wife's eldest daughter. In any merger of two families such as this, there are bound to be problems for the kids concerned. In your case, your wife's 15 year-old daughter has suddenly gone from being the "queen of the castle" to third in line - and that's bound to take some getting used to! So please give her some space and make sure that it really is a last resort before you give her that spanking.
Now to answer your questions. I certainly believe that you should treat both your kids (and now all 4 of them) exactly the same, and if that means belting your daughter, then so be it. But I'd ask you to consider whether a slipper or hairbrush might not be just as effective on both your son and daughter. As Rennie says, the extra severity of a belting might actually be counter-productive. But please treat them all the same. When I was at school in the 1960s, different levels of severity were applied to punishing boys and girls, and that led to all sorts of problems and resentment.
As to whether you should take over the spanking of your wife's daughters, my instinctive reaction is to agree with your wife (and Rennie). But, on reflection, I'm not so sure. Concepts of the man as "Head of the household" are rather old-fashioned these days - marriage is much more of an equal partnership. So I don't think that it realy matters who does the spanking, so long as, as already stated, all 4 kids are treated equally, and recognise that fact. So if you do agree to share disciplinary duties, then it's important that your twins are just as likely to be spanked by your wife as her daughters are to be spanked by you.
If, however, you don't feel comfortable spanking your wife's daughters' bare bottoms, then don't do it. Kids get confused by a punishment that is administered without full conviction. Whatever you decide, though, I think that it is vitally important that both you and your wife are both present whenever a spanking is administered. You are one family now and that will ensure that discipline is seen to emanate from both of you in equal measure, whoever actually wields the slipper. There's nothing to be gained by a "hard parent, soft parent" approach.
Hope this helps. |
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