 | ||
|
| |    When a School-Age Child Won't Sleep Alone by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Lynn Cates, M.D., F.A.A.P. Parents expect their infants to keep them up at night. But many preschool and early school-age children also resist falling asleep without a parent present, or they wake up in the middle of the night and insist on coming into their parents' rooms. Sometimes they do both. This problem often starts in infancy and simply carries over into the preschool age range. On the other hand, it's not uncommon for preschool or school-age children who were sleeping through the night in their own beds to start having these problems. They may end up camping out on their parents' floor for months at a time--uncomfortable for everyone! Sort out possible causes The way to go about solving this problem depends somewhat on how long it has been going on and on what else is going on. The more recent the problem, the easier it is to deal with. Sleep problems like this also are easier to handle when your child is doing well in other aspects of her life. A child who is under a lot of pressure--either from peers, at school, or in her home--may develop a sleep problem as a result of the other stress in her life. In these cases, you need to tackle the other problems first, if you can. Then the sleep problems are much easier to handle. However, many times parents really don't know of any special stress that their child is under. In these cases, the difficulty sleeping alone may indeed have started with a rather small event--a minor illness, a thunderstorm, or something as seemingly minor as a scary shadow or a frightening thought. If the parents are very, very good about comforting their child, the child may develop more fears or difficulty sleeping as a way of winning more positive attention, so that what started as a single upsetting event can become a habit. Break down the problem When a child seems to avoid sleeping in her own bed, it's sometimes helpful to think of the problem as having two separate parts and then tackle each part separately. These are (1) helping the child feel comfortable sleeping in her own bed; and (2) helping her learn (or relearn) to fall asleep without her parents present. Consistent enforcement is key To help your child feel comfortable sleeping in her own bed, you must first make a rule that she does in fact sleep in her own bed. Then you need to enforce the rule consistently. If your child comes into your room in the middle of the night, gently pick her up or take her by the hand and lead her back to her own room. You may have to do this several times a night at first, but if you give in and allow your child to stay in your room, or in your bed, you will have only taught her to be more persistent. Helping your child fall asleep alone Some experts recommend a cold turkey approach, which amounts to putting a child in her bed and walking out. But there is a gentler way that is just as effective, although it takes a bit longer. Start by sitting in your child's room, within eyesight of your child but not talking or interacting in any way, until she falls asleep. Then leave the room. If she awakens in the middle of the night, repeat this procedure. After a few days of this, move your chair so that you sit a little farther away. Once your child is comfortable with this distance, move outside your child's sight while promising to stay nearby until she falls asleep. Usually after a day or two of this, the child is ready to fall asleep on her own, with the reassurance that her parents are nearby in case she needs them. Sometimes a child will try to make a parent promise to stay nearby all night long. It isn't wise to make such an unrealistic promise, because your eventual absence is sure to be discovered by your child, who may then have difficulty trusting you. Instead, you can honestly reply that you will not stay right there all night, but you will be near enough to return to the room if your child needs you. Most children accept this reassurance, perhaps after testing once or twice to see that their parents really do come back if they call for them. Celebrating your child's independence Certainly, when your child shows she is able to manage falling asleep on her own, she deserves to feel proud for having mastered a difficult developmental step. You, in turn, also can feel proud for having helped your child to be more independent. And everyone can get a better night's sleep. This approach is not so very different from how you might handle sleep resistance in a toddler. The principal is the same: Set limits and expectations, and try to gradually withdraw the amount of support you have to give to the child as her own ability to cope becomes stronger.
| |  | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| About Us |
Contact Us |
Our Partners Privacy Policy | Ethics | Advertising Policy | Terms of Service © Copyright 2004 The Dr. Spock Company. All Rights Reserved. THIS SITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. The information drSpock.com
provides is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for
professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your health care
professional if you have a specific health concern. Mention or advertisement
of any product, service, or brand does not constitute endorsement, guarantee,
or recommendation by The Dr. Spock Company. Please read our full
Terms of Service. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
