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Adolescent Stress
by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
No doubt about it, adolescence is a time of high stress for teenagers and parents alike. Stress is the usual result of any rapid change, and rapid change is what adolescence is all about. As a parent, you watch your child cope with the stress and, you hope, grow stronger from the experience.
Of course, watching these struggles without being able to do much to help can be a stressful experience in its own right! Although you may not be able to completely erase the sources of adolescent stress--nor would you really want to--you can be a more supportive parent by understanding where the stress is coming from.
Sources of stress
Adolescent stresses come from within--that is, they can have a biological cause--as well as from the various social spheres in which adolescents operate: the family, school, peer group, and the society at large.
- Biological stress. In general, the physical changes of adolescence occur most rapidly from age 12 to 14 for girls and between 13 and 15 for boys. In addition to, or perhaps because of, their bodies' rapid changes, adolescents tend to be extremely self-conscious and typically assume that everyone is always staring at them. Every pimple, every unwanted curve or lack of curves, can be a source of misery and stress, particularly for those who do not fit our culture's narrow ideal of beauty.
At the same time, adolescents' busier-than-ever schedules--revolving around school, work, and socializing--compete with an increase in their biological need for sleep. The result is that sleep deprivation is another, often silent, source of stress.
- Family stress. Even the most well-adjusted adolescents face a major source of stress in their relationships with their parents. That is because every adolescent must work through the age-old struggle between the need to belong and to be taken care of, and the need for independence and freedom.
Psychologist Erik Erikson has pointed out that adolescents are driven by a need to come to grips with their own individual identities, and part of this process involves understanding their origins. Part of this task involves simply knowing their family history: where their parents grew up, how they met, and so on. But the more difficult part of the task involves understanding their parent as human beings, who grew up in a particular place and time and who were shaped by complex emotions and relationships. This sort of understanding is difficult to come by. It is hard enough for an average teenager from a family with both parents living together, but when parents live far apart, or when one or both are unknown (due to abandonment or death), the task becomes even more stressful.
- School stress. You don't need me to tell you that academic pressures mount during high school, particularly the last two years. And although many parents recognize that academic struggles--to avoid failing an important course, for example--can be quite stressful, it may be the most academically capable students who feel the greatest pressure, as they find themselves competing for scarce, high-prestige college spots.
- Peer stress. Peer-group stress tends to be highest during the middle-school years, but adolescents who do not find at least a minimal degree of acceptance at that time in their lives are likely to suffer lasting consequences: isolation, low self-esteem, and stress. The price of admission to cool peer society for many adolescents is involvement with cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. For some teens, substance use provides temporary relief from stress. However, in the long run the physical and psychological ups and downs end up increasing, not decreasing, the level of stress they feel.
- Societal stress. Adolescents don't yet belong to the wider adult society; for example, they cannot vote or buy alcohol legally, and they are kept out of most well-paying jobs. At the same time, many adolescents recognize that they are about to inherit all of society's largest problems--war, pollution, global warming, an uncertain economy--without any real economic or political power with which to confront them: a recipe for stress.
Countering adolescent stress
Much as you might want to, you can't wave a magic wand and make the sources of adolescent stress disappear. But there are many things you can do to lower the impact of all of these concerns on the adolescent you love:
- Be a continued source of unconditional love. Adolescents, for all of their bravado and bids for independence, need more than ever to know that they are loved simply for being who they are, period. How you communicate this love is a matter of personal style, but more parents err on the side of being too subtle, rather than too gushy. A heartfelt "I love you!" every once in a while can only do good--although you may want to be tactful about when and where you deliver this message.
- Keep the faith. An adolescent battling stress on every front likes to hear a calm voice from a trusted parent saying, "I know you'll do the right thing, and I know you'll be fine."
- Set reasonable limits. You may not be able to exercise the same tight level of control that you did when your child was, say, four, but you still have the right, and the responsibility, to ensure that your adolescent is safe. I also think that adolescents, while they often struggle against parental limits, actually feel safer and less stressed knowing that there are limits. The idea that everything is possible actually can be overwhelming--even frightening.
- Model healthy coping. Although it was true before, it is doubly true now: Adolescents learn from what you do, not what you say. If you want your adolescent to learn to cope with stress, you need to engage in healthy coping behaviors yourself. That may mean practicing yoga or meditation, reading a good book, indulging in a primal scream now and then, or talking with friends.
It also may mean forgoing the evening glass or two of alcohol to unwind, or other short-term fixes that end up increasing stress in the long run. I recommend two very healthy strategies that can really help pull you and your adolescent through: honesty when it comes to talking about your feelings, and humor.
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Created September 26, 2001
Reviewed August 15, 2004
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