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| |    Genital Touching in Toddlers and Preschoolers by Debra W. Haffner, M.P.H., F.S.A.M. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. During the first year of life, babies discover their bodies. Sometime between four and six months of age, a baby probably will discover his hands and toes. In a few more months, a baby boy will also discover his penis and a baby girl, her vulva. In fact, it's just as natural for babies to discover and touch their genitals as it is for them to discover their fingers and toes. They are learning that it feels good to touch all of the parts of their bodies. Early messages about sexuality How you react to your child's discoveries sends an early message about sexuality. Think about the values you want to impart and the best way to get your message across: If you say "no" in a stern voice and move your child's hand away, you are teaching him that touching one's own genitals is bad, even that part of his body is bad. In contrast, if you say, "I know that feels good" and continue on with diapering, you affirm your child's sense that his body is good. Some parents even decide to give their children time without a diaper so they can continue their exploration. Dealing with masturbation Some preschool boys seem to touch their penis constantly: at naptime, at preschool, in the grocery store, even at their grandparents' house. Some toddler and preschool girls seem to "hump" every stuffed animal and couch arm they pass. Many parents have asked me in desperation, "How can I stop my child from masturbating?" First, I advise parents to take off their adult lenses and realize that their child is not, in fact, masturbating for erotic purposes. Preschool children touch their genitals simply because it feels good and it's comforting: Some children suck their thumbs, some twirl their hair, some boys hold their penises. Some children touch their genitals at naptime or bedtime as a way to calm themselves. Then I explain that although this behavior is to be expected, a child does need to learn over time that touching one's own genitals should only be done in a private place, like a bedroom or the bathroom. When you set about teaching your child this valuable social lesson, once again you need to think about how best to convey your message without introducing an element of shame. If you are comfortable with genital touching, you could say something like, "Ben, I know that it feels good to touch your penis. But, you should only do it in a private place. What's a private place in our house?" You'll probably have to remind your child many times about the appropriate places for genital exploration. After all, you had to remind him to eat with his fork and not his fingers more than once, right? And just as it may have taken him quite a while to be truly skilled in the use of silverware, your child isn't likely to really develop a mature sense of privacy until he is between the ages of five and seven years. That's not to say that it isn't important to start teaching your child about privacy when he is younger, just don't be surprised if your four-year-old is still completely comfortable walking out of the bathroom with his pants down--even when your rather staid in-laws have come for a visit! Talk about:
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