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| |    Memories You'd Rather Forget When early upsets linger by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Many of us have packed away in our brains, alongside memories of happy events, recollections that are decidedly less welcome. Maybe the troublesome event was that afternoon when you were chased or bitten by a dog, or a particularly painful visit to the dentist. Maybe it was a song that was playing when you broke up with your boyfriend, or a food that made you ill. The problem is, now you can't walk by a dog without feeling anxious, the very mention of dentists makes you squirm, you can't bear to listen to the theme song from Titanic, and you haven't been able to look at--let alone taste--fried clams in years. Unwanted memories are similar to phobias, which are extreme, irrational fears that can sometimes be traced to specific frightening events. But unwanted memories of the sort I am talking about are entirely normal, not symptoms of any mental disorder. They are an annoying reminder of how little control we have over what we remember and what we forget. And the first step in dealing with these pesky recollections is to understand how they develop. High anxiety Unwanted memories often arise by way of so-called single-exposure learning. For instant learning to take place, an experience has to be accompanied by a moderately high level of excitement, or arousal, of the nervous system. The key word here is moderately. If the level of arousal is too low, you're apt not to learn at all. You're too bored. If the level of arousal is overwhelmingly high--for example, the airplane you are flying in suddenly begins to nose-dive--you are likely to remember very little of the event, except perhaps the feeling of terror and one or two random details. But if the level of arousal is moderately high--you're frightened but not terrified, or you feel intense anger but not overwhelming rage--then you may develop an instant memory that is both detailed and durable. So durable, in fact, that you can't forget it even though you'd very much like to. The power of association Since willing yourself to forget won't do the trick, the best way to deal with unwanted memories is to overwrite them with memories that you do want. At work is the principle that you can't feel contradictory emotions simultaneously--that is, if you feel comfortable and relaxed in the presence of dogs (or dentists), you can't feel scared at the same time. A mental health professional can help you here, guiding you through a process called "positive association." Say your problem is related to dogs, for instance. Your therapist may encourage you to begin by imagining the smallest, sweetest, most harmless pooch possible. At the same time, you call to mind something you really like--a chocolate sundae, perhaps, heavy on the whipped cream. You let those two images linger together and notice that you're not feeling scared; you're actually feeling happy (or perhaps a bit hungry). Next, your therapist may tell you to dial up the intensity of the doggie while keeping the positive, comfortable image in mind as well (pile on the sprinkles). You go slowly, making sure that you feel completely comfortable and happy each step of the way. Eventually, you graduate to real dogs instead of imaginary ones--interacting with small ones at first, then increasingly large--until you're able to feel comfortable around normal-size dogs. Go with a pro Although this process seems simple enough, it's important that you enlist the services of a mental health professional to lead you through it. It's easy to rush ahead, for instance, and imagine a dog that's a bit too large. If that happens, you're likely to reawaken the old fear response (which, unfortunately, may come back twice as strong as before). After a few setbacks like this, many people simply give up, figuring they're destined to be afraid of dogs forever. To avoid this sort of disappointing result, and because the process is not quite as simple as I've laid out, it's best to do this sort of work with a psychologist or other trained mental health professional. Extreme cases Many, many people, both children and adults, have negative memories of the kind I've described. Most of these can be handled in a straightforward way with the help of a mental health professional. But occasionally, a person has so many negative memories, or his memories are so intense, that they are crippling. In the extreme, unwanted memories can come in the form of flashbacks or repeated nightmares. Often, this is the result of more severe trauma--exposure to the horrors of war or to natural or man-made disasters. Flashbacks and nightmares are hallmarks of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition that is being recognized more and more in both adults and children. The treatment for this serious condition can include specialized therapies and medications. Remarkably, even when unwanted memories take this horrific form, many people do recover, through hard work and with a lot of help from loved ones and professionals. More information: Talk about:
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