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| |    Nicknames by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. For as long as there have been names, there have been nicknames. My all-time favorite is King Ethelred II, who earned the nickname "the Unready" after the Danes overran Britain in the 10th century. Something about the sound of Ethelred the Unready tickles me--although I doubt very much if Ethelred was amused. In the historical nickname department, William the Conqueror came off much better. Of course, you don't have to be royalty to have a nickname. Most names lend themselves to simple variations: Ted or Ed for Edward, Beth or Lizzy for Elizabeth. Children are rarely neutral about their nicknames. If you want to be on Lizzy's good side, you'd better be careful not to call her Liz or (heaven forbid!) Libby! Adults are more likely to pretend they don't care. We all know that a name is just a name, don't we? But I suspect that deep down, we each have a name that we think of as truly ours, a name that expresses who we really are. Nicknames and identity While some nicknames are just modified versions of the formal given name, others spotlight a particular character trait or physical attribute. Nicknames can praise--"Legs" for fast runner or "Ice" for someone who is really cool--but they can also be sarcastic--"Einstein" for somebody who is not terribly bright or "Speedy" for someone who is actually quite slow. Either way, by zeroing in on a particular trait, a nickname can define or even create an identity. Some nicknames are downright hostile: "Shorty" or "Fats" teeter on the line between nickname and insult; "Fatso" clearly steps over it. A put-down nickname places a child in a tough position: If he protests against the nickname, he opens himself up to teasing as a "baby," if he instead laughs along with the insult, he's laughing at himself. Usually children don't choose their nicknames--the names are chosen for them by their peer group, which at times can be brutally unkind. And nicknames, once they catch on, tend to take on a life of their own. Messages, hidden and otherwise One reason nicknames tend to stick is that, unlike names given at birth, they convey specific information about a person. It's not really clear what sort of personality a "Richard" should have, but "Meathead" brings a clear picture to mind. Nicknames also can function as in-jokes, separating those who are "in the know" from those who aren't. For example, only a few people might know that "Chip" refers to the time that John ate six bags of potato chips in a row. Nicknames also can be clever. Kaplan and Bernays, in The Language of Names, tell the story of a woman baseball player nicknamed Venus. She got this lovely moniker after a fly ball she was trying to catch bounced off her head. Why Venus? Because the Venus de Milo, that most famous of classical statues, doesn't have arms or hands. The power of names Young children think that a person's name is that person; someone could no more change names than change heads! That's why they are typically so adamant about what they are called. And they are right. It's important for children, and adults, to feel that they have some control over what they are called, and that they have a name they like. Some children are quite outspoken about their names, quickly correcting anyone who makes the mistake of calling them by an unwanted nickname. Children who are less assertive will often suffer in silence because it's uncomfortable to correct a grown-up or risk getting teased by a peer. But even if they don't speak up, these quieter children more than likely feel just as strongly about being called by their "right" names. You can help by teaching them appropriate words to say in different social situations: "Please call me Susan," to correct an older relative; "My name is Susan--think you can remember that?" to a peer who keeps getting it wrong. A child who knows how to take charge of her own name, without being rude or strident, knows a lot about getting along in our complex social world. More information: Talk about:
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