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| |    Getting Past the Pain of Pregnancy Loss by Elisa Ross, MD reviewed by Marjorie Greenfield, M.D. When grieving after the loss of a pregnancy, the pain can be so intense, you often believe that you will never feel better. Parents who have gone through this experience find that the memory does stay with you, but over time the pain fades. Often small reminders will trigger renewed feelings of sadness, but eventually there will come a time when you can think and talk about the loss without falling apart. This resolution of grief takes time, and progresses at different paces for different people. Treasuring a memory Even if you need to keep it far out of sight right now, if you have any physical memento of the baby, such as a sonogram image, you should give serious consideration to saving it. After they've had a chance to heal, many couples take great comfort in having a keepsake of their lost child. Sometimes parents also like to create a special memento by planting a tree or making a donation to a charitable organization in their baby's name. Asking "why?" For some couples, it helps to try to find out the medical reason behind the loss, especially if they're concerned that something they did caused them to lose the baby. If this is true in your situation, be sure to talk with your practitioner about your concerns. If a definite cause is found, it not only can lay to rest the question of "why," but it may shed light on the likelihood of such a tragedy happening again and help you manage future pregnancies. However, you should realize that, in most cases, no reason for the loss is ever identified. Getting support Support groups exist, and may be helpful. Look for your local chapter of SHARE, a support group for people who have suffered a miscarriage or lost an infant. Many parents also find that their religious communities offer solace and perspective, especially if their faith has been shaken because of their cruel loss. Sometimes pregnancy loss brings back feelings from previous experiences, making it even harder to cope. Professional counseling--even if it's only for one session--can start you on the road to recovery. In some cases, a short course of antidepressant medication may relieve some of the suffering. And while some parents choose alternative methods of coping, keep in mind that crutches such as alcohol and sleeping pills offer only temporary relief and, in the long run, may hinder your recovery. Becoming pregnant again It is natural to feel that you want to become pregnant immediately while simultaneously feeling that you never want to put your heart on the line again. The truth is that getting pregnant again will not erase this loss, but for some, it can speed the healing process. Both partners should be emotionally and physically ready before trying to conceive again. Your healthcare practitioner may advise you about timing as well. In most situations, there is a four-out-of-five chance that all will go well with the next pregnancy. Recognizing depression Occasionally, the normal feelings of grief deepen into depression. If you think that your grief is more severe than you would expect, or if family members are telling you that they are concerned about your behavior, please call your healthcare team. If you are feeling completely hopeless, helpless, or have thoughts about hurting yourself or someone else, it's urgent that you seek help from your doctor or a mental health expert immediately. People who have been clinically depressed in the past, have a family history of depression, or are in a difficult life situation are especially at risk. If you are not sure if your grief is a normal, ask a professional!
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