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| |    What Is Your Parenting Type? by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. When you think of yourself as a parent, what words come to mind? Are you fun, firm, fussy, or flexible? Do you lay down the law and expect it to be followed, or are you more likely to discuss, negotiate, and compromise? Do you set high expectations for your children's behavior and achievement, or is your philosophy more hands off? A good way to begin sorting this out for yourself is to focus on two questions: How do you exert control over your child, and how warm are you emotionally? Of all the different functions of parenting--like creating a safe living environment, setting up healthy routines, and providing nutritious food--exerting control and responding emotionally are two of the most important things you do when it comes to shaping your child's personality. Key issues: control and warmth Start with control. By behavioral control, I mean the extent to which you expect or demand your child to follow certain rules. This doesn't apply to young infants, of course, but certainly by the time a child can walk on his own, rules for toddler behavior become important, and they stay important from then on. The following examples will help explain what I mean by high vs. low behavioral control:
How control and warmth fit together With your focus on the two aspects of control and warmth, you can see that there are four types of parents: those who are high on both warmth and control (type A), high on warmth but low on control (type B), low on warmth but high on control (type C), and low on both warmth and control (type D). Our chart shows how these four types fit within the warmth-control scheme. Why parenting types are important Of course, it is a great oversimplification to try to fit real parents into four little boxes! Real parents are controlling in some situations and not so controlling in others, emotionally warm on some occasions and not nearly as warm on others. Still, this four-box scheme is important, because where a parent falls on the chart probably exerts a strong influence on their child's developing personality. We know this mostly through the work of Diana Baumrind, a psychologist from the University of California, whose studies dating back to the 1960s have inspired a lot of research into parenting types. In one of Baumrind's early studies, young children were rated on a variety of behavior measures based on observations by their teachers and by researchers. At the same time, the parents of the children were rated on their parenting based on the parents' self-reports and also on in-home observations by trained observers. The findings from this study, and several that followed, showed that different parenting types went along with different child personalities. In other words, parenting style matters. Before you turn to the next article in this series, Parenting Types and Their Effects on Children, take a moment to consider how you think different parenting styles might shape a child's personality. Then see what Baumrind found. You might be surprised.
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