• When you first introduce timeout, talk with your child about it in a positive way, at a time when he is not in trouble. Set up a special chair, off in a corner, out of sight of the television but where you can keep an eye on him. Tell him that the timeout chair is a place to go to pull himself together when he's upset and where he will need to sit for a couple of minutes if he breaks a family rule. Show him the timer, set it for two minutes, and let him do a "practice sit" to see that timeout is not anything to be afraid of, it's just boring.



• Save timeouts for fairly serious offenses, such as breaking something in anger, or for times when your child is simply too wound up and needs to calm down. Instead of using timeouts for minor misbehaviors, such as small amounts of whining or little shows of anger, it's better to say something like, "I don't like it when you whine," using a serious face and tone of voice to convey that you mean business.



• If your young child refuses to go to timeout, let him know that he has a choice: He can walk on his own, or you will carry him there. One advantage of starting to use timeout when your child is quite small is that you can easily do just that. By the time he is too big to carry, he will be used to the timeout routine.



• If your child refuses to stay in timeout, bring him back to the timeout chair or room, reset the timer, and explain that he has to sit until the time is up. Don't argue or make the mistake of hovering next to him to make sure he complies. All that attention is likely to make him more likely to repeat the behaviors that got him the timeout--which wasn't truly time out from your attention at all.
  
  Sometimes you need to have a backup plan, particularly for a child who decides to test your resolve and repeatedly jumps up out of timeout. In some cases, holding the child in the timeout chair from behind (without talking or eye contact) works; in other cases, sending (or carrying) a child to his room works. If these approaches leave you feeling unsure or concerned that your response might in some way be harmful to your child (a very reasonable concern, if your child resists with great effort!), it is time for you to find a behavior management coach for yourself--either a behavioral pediatrician, psychologist, or other behavior specialist who can give you personalized guidance.



• Timeout is powerful, but it is not the only effective behavior management technique. You also need to understand how to use praise and other rewards and effective listening. Very often, the most successful discipline starts with looking at the world from your child's point of view and trying to understand the meaning of the unacceptable, or "bad," behavior. For example, a child who insists on running through the house may simply have so much physical energy that he cannot sit still. He needs a chance to burn off some energy outside (even on a cold, wet day!), not a time out.

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