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| |    The Value of Timeout by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. When parents ask about discipline, the first thing they mention is either spanking or timeout. In fact, discipline really means teaching. You want your child to develop an internal sense of right and wrong--one that doesn't rely solely on the fear of being punished. Timeout involves having your child go to a place--a corner, a chair, or room--that is apart from interesting activities and other people, for a short period of time. Timeout is a very powerful, very effective way of teaching children what behaviors are unacceptable. The approach makes sense to children as young as two or three. They can understand that when they act in a way that is unacceptable, they temporarily lose the privilege of being around other people. Timeout is nonhurtful and nonviolent. Spanking and other hurtful punishments tend to bring out strong negative emotions in children--usually anger, shame, and fear. When these negative emotions are strong enough, they take over the child's thinking, leaving no room for the child to consider what he did wrong. Timeout is unpleasant enough to teach children a lesson, but it doesn't overwhelm them with negative emotions that make real learning impossible. As important as timeout is, however, it cannot stand alone as the only form of discipline you use. Timeout is still basically a form of punishment. Punishment--even really effective, humane punishment, like timeout--can only teach children what not to do. It can't teach them what to do. To learn what to do, children need to be rewarded, not punished. They need to receive praise, not just criticism. Furthermore, discipline works best when it focuses on rewards. For any unacceptable behavior (say, hitting or biting), there is a corresponding acceptable and desirable behavior (not hitting and not biting, but using words instead). The more you reward desirable behaviors, the less you have to punish undesirable ones, and (in general) the stronger your child's internal sense of right and wrong grows. Still, most parents find that they have to do some punishing. If your child is strong-willed, active, and highly expressive of emotions, you probably need to turn to timeout more than other parents whose children are more easygoing. It won't take you long to become skilled at timeout. Read "Principles of Timeout", then look at "Tips for Timeout" and "When Timeout Doesn't Work." Click here to join the discussion on Discipline
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