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How to Talk to Your Children about HIV/AIDS
by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. and Mona Behan
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. and Lynn Cates, M.D., F.A.A.P.
When it comes to a complicated and sensitive topic like HIV/AIDS, many parents wish that they just could duck and cover. Some reason that their children are too young to understand or be concerned about the illness. Others don't mind talking about the disease, but they're worried that it will lead to uncomfortable discussions about sex, condoms, homosexuality, drugs, and other touchy subjects.
But a fact of modern life is that kids are going to hear about HIV/AIDS whether you bring up the subject or not. It's in the news, it's taught at schools, it's talked about on the playgrounds. And much of what your children hear might be inaccurate or approached in a way that conflicts with your values. So, starting in elementary school and then repeatedly and with greater complexity as your children mature, it's helpful if you weigh in with the facts, as well as your own values and convictions.
Guidelines for discussion- Find a natural opening. Maybe your children are learning about HIV/AIDS in a health or sex-ed course. Maybe something comes up in a TV show, movie, or news report. Maybe it hits even closer to home, and a friend or acquaintance has become ill with the virus. There are plenty of opportunities to bring up the subject naturally. One caveat: Don't wait until your children ask you about HIV/AIDS; they're likely to be as squeamish about the topic as you are or think they know everything already.
- Start by finding out what they already know. Rather than just reciting a jumble of facts, ask your children what they've learned about AIDS from school, news reports, even their friends. Besides making the discussion more interactive, you can build on what they already know and you'll have a chance to dispel any misconceptions.
- Remember that you don't need to give all the information at once. Young children need simple, reassuring explanations; older children will require more in-depth and frank discussions. The complexity and sensitivity of the topic warrants ongoing, age-appropriate talks.
- Make yourself an askable parent by being open and matter-of-fact; such an approach will stand you in good stead for many topics, not just AIDS. Try not to lecture, exaggerate, or scare your children. Frankly, they're probably worried enough already--in a number of studies conducted by Dr. David Schonfeld at the Yale University School of Medicine and colleagues, one-half of the elementary-school-age children surveyed were afraid of contracting AIDS and an amazing one-third were scared that they already had the disease.
- Especially when dealing with preteens and teens, realize that talking about AIDS almost inevitably means delving into subjects like drug use, sexual practices, and homosexuality. They may not be the most comfortable topics for a parent to address, but, aside from educating your child about a serious disease, they can serve as a springboard to impart your views and values. And don't think that talking about AIDS and other sexual matters makes kids more likely to have sex-research has shown that just the opposite is true.
- Don't leave it to the schools. While AIDS education has become routine in most American schools, many districts prohibit discussion of sexual intercourse, homosexuality, and condom use, so the information students get is likely to be spotty. (And even if they're getting solid, complete information, it's always good to reinforce the message at home.)
Know your facts. Before broaching the subject of HIV/AIDS with your children, make sure that you're prepared to answer some basic questions.
Join the discussion on Talking to Your Children about Tough Topics
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Created June 01, 2001
Reviewed June 03, 2001
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