Talking about Alcohol with Your Child

September 06, 2008

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Talking about Alcohol with Your Child

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.

Talking about alcohol with your school-age child is important for two reasons: If the first things she hears about alcohol come from you, she'll be less likely to be misled later on. Also, you're establishing that alcohol is an acceptable topic for conversation, and that you are interested in your child's thoughts on the subject. (The same reasons apply, of course, to sex and drugs: It's easier to start the conversations early and let your child know that you're approachable, rather than waiting until the issues are already loaded.)

This doesn't have to be a formal, sit-down talk, and it shouldn't be a lecture. Alcohol is such a big part of American culture that opportunities to talk about it arise all of the time. For example, you might be watching TV together when a funny beer commercial comes on. "That's really funny," you might observe. "What do you think that commercial is trying to make you think about beer?" Or you might be driving down the street and pass the scene of an accident. "That's really awful," you comment. "I wonder if the driver had been drinking?"

Another way to get started is to ask your child what she is learning about alcohol in school. Many schools have classes on drugs and alcohol, often beginning in early elementary school. While it's good to know whether your child's school offers drug and alcohol education (and in what grades), it's even more important to know what your child has taken away from that teaching-i.e., what lessons stuck?

Probably the most important thing you can do when talking with your child about alcohol is to listen. Let your child know that you are interested in her ideas and opinions, not only about alcohol or drugs, but about whatever she wants to talk about. By listening first, you help your child to see you as a resource, someone who cares.

When your child does open up, ask questions to help understand what she is telling you. Let her talk without interrupting her. If she says something you really disagree with, be sure that you're calm and reasonable before you respond. Try to stay focused on the particular issue or question in front of you, let her know how you feel, but don't criticize her personally. Make it clear that you trust her to use good judgment and to follow the values you have taught her. At the same time, you want to make sure that she knows the facts and knows how you feel.

Some key points to remember:

Many preteens and teens believe that "all the kids" drink, so they see drinking as a normal part of being a teenager. In fact, in eighth grade, only about one in five children report having had alcohol in the past month. Four out of five never drink or only rarely.

Alcohol slows down thinking and interferes with judgment. Preteens and teens who drink are more likely to get into fights, be victims of violence (including robbery and rape), do poorly in school, and suffer serious injuries from auto accidents, burns, and drowning. Emphasize that you care about your child's safety and well-being.

Children often assume that they are immune to such terrible consequences. But they may see that drinking makes some kids do stupid and embarrassing things, like flirting with people they don't really care for or throwing up. Appeal to your child's self-respect.

Since alcohol interferes with judgment, it's easy for one drink to lead to another and to another. People often assume that beer and wine are milder forms of alcohol. But a can of beer or a glass of wine has roughly the same amount of alcohol as a typical "hard" drink (scotch, gin, vodka, etc.), and it's the amount of alcohol, not its form, that affects the brain and body.

Everywhere in the United States, it's illegal for people under 21 years of age to buy alcohol. It's also illegal to give alcohol to anyone under 21 who is not a member of your family.

It's terribly important that children never get into a car with a driver who has been drinking. Suggest graceful ways to avoid this situation. For example, if your child's been at a friend's house and the father, who has had a few glasses of wine with dinner, offers to drive her home, she could say, "That's all right, my mom is expecting to pick me up." Give her permission to be blunt if he continues to press the issue: "I'm sorry, Mr. Hanley, but my parents won't let me get in a car with someone who's been drinking. They're very strict about that."

The older a person is when she begins drinking, the less likely that person is to develop a problem with alcohol. So the longer teens can hold off, the better their chances of escaping the most harmful effects of alcohol.

For more information
Most of the information in this article comes from a pamphlet for parents produced by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). I highly recommend this pamphlet; it is extremely well written, easy to read, and full of excellent advice. You can download a copy of the pamphlet from our site. (It also is available in Spanish.) You also can find other reliable information from the NIAAA.

For more useful information check out our Tobacco, Family Relationships, and School Problems programs.

Click here to join the discussion on Drugs, Alcohol, and Tobacco.


RELATED INFORMATION

			How to Talk with Your Children about Drugs and Alcohol
			Drugs and Alcohol

Created March 08, 2001
Reviewed August 15, 2004

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