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| |    Alcohol: When Parents Have Problems by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Many, many parents have problems with alcohol--that is, with their own alcohol consumption. One federally sponsored study estimated that one out of four children between birth and age 18 years lives in a home with an alcoholic adult. By anybody's count, that is a common problem. Abuse and addiction As common as alcohol abuse is, many people remain unclear about the line between appropriate use, abuse, and addiction. Alcohol use becomes alcohol abuse when it has severe negative consequences such as
Risks for the child Parents sometimes tell themselves that their drinking is their own problem. But, inevitably, parents' alcoholism is a problem for their children as well. At the very least, children who live with an alcoholic parent worry about the physical harm the parent is doing to himself, the real risk of an automobile accident or other traumatic injury, and the fact that a parent who is drinking is not available to take care of them, at least temporarily. In other cases, of course, the effects of parental alcoholism are much worse, including physical or emotional abuse, fights between the parents, and the loss of money that might be needed for food or other necessities. Children respond in different ways to the strain of having an alcoholic parent. Some rebel and act out their anger and fear by fighting or embracing self-destructive behaviors (such as having irresponsible sex, stealing, taking drugs, and--of course--drinking). Others respond by becoming prematurely grown-up. They feel responsible for making sure that all the other children toe the line in the vain hope that this will prevent the next binge. They take care of everyone in the family when the alcoholic parent is out of commission. Unfortunately, when they take on the role of "little adult," their emotional development usually suffers; they lose the chance to be children themselves. Children who grow up with an alcoholic parent often suffer from chronic anxiety, guilt, and shame. The risks of depression and delinquency are higher. Also, children of alcohol abusers are more likely to grow up to be alcoholics themselves. What you can do Alcohol abuse or addiction can seem like a huge, insurmountable problem. But people break free of alcoholism every day. It is certainly possible! And any time that a parent can overcome his alcohol addiction, the benefits to his children are powerful and immediate. When children see their parents taking positive steps to get better, they often realize that they, too, can take control of their lives. Parents who have been role models of helplessness and wasted potential become models of positive--in some ways even heroic--change. (Some parents believe that they can hide their alcoholism from their children, thereby protecting them. In my experience, children always know.) Here's how you can start:
For more useful information check out our Tobacco, Family Relationships, and School Problems programs. Click here to join the discussion on Drugs, Alcohol, and Tobacco.
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