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| |    Handling the First Days of Preschool by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. It's natural for a caring parent to worry about how her small child will feel when she leaves him for the first time at a new preschool. Let the teacher advise you. A parent-teacher conference before the beginning of school gives the teacher a head start in getting to know your child, and helps you and the teacher trust each other and work together smoothly right off the bat. The shyer preschooler An outgoing four-year-old usually takes to preschool like a duck to water and doesn't need any gentle introduction. It may be quite different with a sensitive three-year-old who still feels closely attached to his parents. If his mother or father leaves him at school the first day, he may not make a fuss right away, but after a while, he may miss his parent. When he finds that she isn't there, he may become frightened. The next day, he may not want to leave home. With a child who is still dependent, it's better to introduce him to school gradually. For several days, his mother or father might stay nearby while he plays and then take him home again after a time. Each day, the parent and child stay for a longer period. Meanwhile, he is building up attachments to the teacher and other children that will give him a sense of security when his parent no longer stays. Difficulties after an easy start Sometimes a child seems quite happy for several days, even after his mother or father has left him at school. Then he gets hurt-either physically or emotionally--and suddenly wants them. In that case, the teacher can help the parents decide if one of them should come back for a number of days. When a parent is staying around the school, she ought to remain in the background. The idea is to let the child develop his own desire to enter the group, so that he forgets his need for his mom or dad. Sometimes the parent's anxiety is greater than the child's. If she says goodbye three times over with a worried expression, he may think, "She looks as if something awful might happen if I stay here without her. I'd better not let her go." A child may mirror his parent's concern. A parent who asks her child's permission to leave invites the child to protest, and gives a mixed message. When a child becomes reluctant or fearful about returning to a school with understanding teachers, I think it is usually better for the parents to act quite confident and firmly explain that everybody goes to school every day. In the long run, it's better for the child to outgrow his dependence than to give in to it. If the child's terror is extreme, the situation should be discussed with a child mental health professional. Little things can make a big difference Young children are often surprisingly observant of adults. A preschooler can easily tell when his mother and teacher feel friendly and relaxed together. Taking a moment to chat about positive family events can help the teacher understand what goes on in the rest of your child's life, and it also conveys your positive regard-something your child is sure to notice. Other little things--cupcakes for birthdays or special snacks for holidays or other class events, showing up for assemblies and performances where parents are welcomed, and volunteering for field trips other activities--can mean a lot to your child. Another thing: It's important to pick your child up on time, to avoid an anxious wait at the end of a full school day.
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