Birth Order Is Not Destiny

November 22, 2009

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Birth Order Is Not Destiny

by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.

You probably know several firstborns who are typical of their birth order: organized, high achieving, somewhat conventional. But you probably know others who share similar characteristics but were born second, third, or possibly fifth. By the same token, although you may recognize many of the typical "middle-child" traits (never feeling noticed or recognized, for instance) among middle-born friends, it's unlikely that they all fit this mold. And there are sure to be some last-borns in your acquaintance to whom you would never apply the label "baby."

It's a good thing that this is the case. Imagine how dull and predictable the world would be if birth order really was the only determinant of one's personality!

On the other hand, just because there are exceptions to the rules doesn't mean that birth order is meaningless. Some exceptions can be explained by looking at birth order in more detail. For example, in many families, a firstborn son might be accorded the usual firstborn privileges and subjected to the usual firstborn pressures, even though he has an older sister. Other ways that a later-born child might grow up being treated like a firstborn (and therefore exhibit many of the typical firstborn traits) include being born after a gap of several years so that the parents are in some senses starting over; when the actual firstborn child has a chronic illness or developmental disability so that the parents attach their highest aspirations and pressures to the later-born child; or when by temperament the firstborn is particularly easygoing or relaxed, and therefore not inclined to fill the typical firstborn role.

Other factors also come into play
These exceptions highlight the fact that birth order is just one of many influences that come to bear in shaping a child's personality. Here are some other key factors:

Parents' age and station in life at the time the child is born. A first child born to an unwed teen mother, for example, may have a very different experience growing up than does the next child, born when the mother has completed her schooling and perhaps has married.

Parent and child temperament or behavioral style. Famous research by the child psychiatrists Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas has shown that a child's psychological well-being depends on the appropriateness of the fit between the child's temperament and his parents'. For example, children who are very active do well with parents who themselves have a lot of physical energy; paired with parents who are more sedate, the same children are more likely to develop behavioral and perhaps emotional problems.

Sibling sexes. A youngest boy with four older sisters has a different family position than a youngest boy with four older brothers. A boy who falls in the middle of two sisters may have a different experience than a girl in the middle of two brothers, particularly if the parents harbor traditional (that is, sexist) views of the relative importance of boys and girls.

Parents' personality (which is likely to have been influence by birth order itself). Parents who were first born and grew up following the rules and succeeding often impose similar expectations on their children--particularly their firstborns. If their firstborns are inclined by temperament to be persistent and self-directed (some might put this less kindly and call it "stubborn"), the family may be in for many years of discord.

A complex brew
Of course, there are many other factors that play important roles in the formation of a child's personality. To name just a few: family ethnicity; economic hardship or plenty; political and cultural events in the larger world (think, for example, of the generation of children whose outlook on life was shaped by the War in Vietnam or the Cold War), losses of important people and emotional traumas, and so on. Factoring birth order into the mix can often help explain how some of these other variables may be operating. Birth order alone is not destiny, but it does offer a powerful lens that can help bring child development--which is really human development--into focus.

More information:

Siblings

Family Relationships

Parenting

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RELATED INFORMATION

			Firstborns: The Family Pioneers
			Middle Children: Finding Their Own Pride of Place
			Only Children: Finding the Middle Ground between Lonely and Lionized
			Youngest Children: The Perks and Perils of Being the "Baby"
			Birth Order

Created April 28, 2001
Reviewed August 15, 2004

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