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| |    Teaching Children How to Be Courteous by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed and revised by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Adapted from Baby and Child Care Teaching good manners should be part and parcel of all child rearing. Good manners give the right message to children: that there are certain acceptable ways to do things in our society and that showing courtesy toward others makes everyone happier and more loving. Feelings of worthiness will translate to others Teaching children to say "please'' or "thank you'' is really not the first step. The most important thing is to have them like people and feel good about their own worth as a person. If they don't, it will be hard to teach them even surface manners. It is also important to avoid making them self-conscious with strangers. We're apt, especially with our first child, to introduce him right away to a new grown-up and make him say something. But when you do that to a two-year-old, you get him all embarrassed. He learns to feel uncomfortable as soon as he sees you greeting somebody, because he knows that he's about to be put on the spot. It's much better in the first three or four years, when a child needs time to size up a stranger, to draw the newcomer's conversation away from him, not toward him. A child of three or four is likely to watch a stranger talking to his parent for a few minutes and then suddenly break into the conversation with a remark like, "The water came out of the toilet all over the floor.'' This announcement may not represent "good manners" in the Emily Post sense, but it is genuinely mannerly, because the child feels like sharing a fascinating experience. If that spirit toward strangers keeps up, he'll learn how to be friendly in a more conventional way soon enough. Children learn the most at home It's important for children to grow up in a family whose members are always considerate of each other. Then they absorb kindness. They want to say "thank you" because the rest of the family says it and means it. They enjoy shaking hands and saying "please." The example of parents' politeness toward one another and toward the children is crucial. I think it's critical to teach children how to be polite and considerate--it doesn't always come easily, especially with younger children. It's a useful exercise to think about what is important in your family. Just what kind of courtesy and manners would you like to see in your children? Then be sure to set the right example. If this is done in a friendly spirit, they will be proud to learn. Everybody likes children with sensibly good manners and resents those who are rude or thoughtless. So parents owe it to their children to make them likable. The appreciation the children receive then makes them friendlier in turn.
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