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| |    Young Children, Possessions and Sharing by Dr. Benjamin Spock reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. Adapted from Baby and Child Care Generosity can't be forced. When children first begin to play around each other, they are apt to grab things from each other without much ceremony. Small children who have a possession never give it up to be nice. They either hang on like grim death, perhaps whacking at the attacker, or they give it up in bewilderment. Parents, seeing these goings-on, are sometimes horrified. If your two-year-old always seems to be the grabber, it doesn't mean that she's going to be a bully; she's too young to have much feeling for others. Let her grab sometimes. If she's doing it constantly, it may help to let her play part of the time with slightly older children who stand up for their rights. If she always intimidates a certain child, it's best to keep them separated for a while. If your child is hurting another or looks as if she's planning mayhem, pull her away in a matter-of-fact manner and interest her in something else. It's better not to heap shame on her--that will only make her feel abandoned and more aggressive. If your child at two doesn't share her possessions, she is behaving normally for this age. She will come around to generosity gradually, as her spirit grows up and as she learns to enjoy and love other children. If you make her give up her treasured cart whenever another child wants it, you only give her the feeling that the whole world is out to take her things away from her--not just the children but the grown-ups, too--and this can make her even more possessive. When a child is reaching the stage when she begins to enjoy playing with others, somewhere around age three, you can help to make a game of sharing. "First Johnny has a turn pulling the cart and Catherine rides in it. Then Catherine pulls the cart and Johnny has a turn to ride in it.'' This makes sharing fun instead of an unpleasant duty. Young children have a very fluid sense of time: If they are doing something they like, time can zoom by; if they are waiting, a minute can take forever. Try singing a song together to help a young child know when it's time to give up his place on a favorite toy if another child is waiting: "Let's sing 'Twinkle, twinkle' three times, and when we're done, it'll be time for Jimmy to have a turn."
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