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The Lessons That Fatherhood Teaches
by Armin Brott
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
Can being a father make you smarter? Well, it may not raise your IQ, but there's no question that becoming a dad will have a pretty significant impact on the way you think. Here are a few examples.
- You'll be more flexible in your thinking. Protecting and nurturing children are things that come with the territory of parenting. And to do that effectively, you're going to have to get pretty good at anticipating future events and coming up with contingency plans. You'll also have to get used to not always being in control. Your baby really doesn't care what you've got planned for the afternoon--when she's hungry she wants to eat, and if she's filled a diaper, she'll want it changed. (Speaking of dirty diapers, some nasty messes come with the territory. Get used to that, too.
- You'll reevaluate your values. Some men, before they became dads, don't spend a lot of time thinking about life and taking philosophical stands; they just live in the moment, with no pressure to be a role model. Perhaps that describes you. But now that you're responsible for a new, young life, you'll be spending some time thinking about the values and attitudes you want to pass on to her. Lots of new dads get more involved in politics, social causes, or community activities, perhaps as a way to try to make the world a better place for their children.
- You'll get familiar with emotions you never knew you had. The love you feel for your child is unlike any other love you've experienced: complete, consuming, and unconditional. On the other hand, be prepared for moments of frustration that are so intense, you may feel like chucking her out the nearest window.
- You'll learn to be more forgiving of others. Learning to get past your child's mistakes and accidents may make you more forgiving of the simple mistakes that the adults around you make. (If you can't do this, you--and your child--are going to have a pretty tough time of things.)
- You'll learn to deal with contradictory feelings. If you're like most dads, you're going to want to stay close to your child, and you're going to want her to stay close to you, too. At the same time, you're going to feel incredibly proud of your child's budding independence and self-sufficiency, with the realization that every step she takes forward is, in one sense, a step away from you. Encourage your child to be independent. It won't be easy, but you'll all be the better for it.
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Created February 23, 2001
Reviewed August 15, 2004
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